Polygamous men are the happiest

Women are wonderful creatures and every man should have as many as he can handle; as long as he can fully take responsibility of all of them.

Me thinks polygamous men are the happiest and tend to live longer, a one –woman man is a slave of his own choice and if anything, when choosing leaders and focus is laid on family, I will go for a polygamous leader any day because he who can manage more than one woman is no doubt a man worth his balls.

Here, let me break it down for you fellas, when you have only one wife, the anathema of monopoly overwhelms her and that my friend is detrimental. When she knows she has no competition, that is when she will cook carelessly talk to you anyhow and sulk like the baby she is suckling. But once another woman is in the picture, that will stir her competitive side and they will be struggling to outdo each other just so they please you while you'll be grinning from ear to ear, like a boss, now who wouldn't want that?

The things monogamous men go through are hilariously unfathomable. For instance, you come home late because you were genuinely at the local sipping a few cold bottles while waiting to see Diego Simeon thrash Pep Guadiola and his team, you return home excited not only because your team has won but also because you got the bet right and thanks to sport pesa, you can give her the "chums" she asked for. After insistent knocks, the maid opens the door and warms your food. The missus refuses to open the bedroom door and you have to sleep on the couch.

She does not speak to you for two weeks and sleeps in jeans, soaks and jacket. Attempts to move closer to her are met with growls hasher than that of a Chihuahua. You have to take a soft loan to buy her some shoes she has been drooling over just to appease her, my friend aren't you living a miserable life?

Now it is even worse when she is the so called modern, emancipated women of today. She will come home from work, take a shower and sit with the laptop or remote and nonchalantly tell you, "honey let us order some food or just make something for yourself, I am tired. You can count in a year the number of times she bothers to cook or even have time for bonding and romance, of course she is a atrophy wife, but hey, you also need that "ka shamba like woman" who can boost your ego, one who does not bore you with boardroom jargon and one who can warm your bath water and dutifully treat you like a king. Polygamous men comprehend that as a man and being naturally polygamous (yes, proven by science)it is only normal to have more than one wife, perhaps your pocket might not allow but come on, who does not want a second helping. They are who we refer to as "ndume kamili."

Besides, it is better than sleeping around; what is worse, having one wife and sleeping round like a rabid dog or marrying a second wife so that you can interchangeably sample the two delicacies? Come to think of it, it is even more expensive keeping a MWK who will demand for holidays and other extravagance. Just get someone you can marry.

When she is the only lady, a woman's headache excuses might become a tad bit too much. She can sexually bully you and deny you your conjugal rights just because you forgot the pet's birthday. But when you have another wife, you can always seek relief from the other woman instead of uprooting you transformer in protest like some guy did or getting some random woman which might increase your chances of getting sexual diseases.

And twisted as it may sound, men need to embrace polygamy so that some of our sisters who do not mind sharing do not end up singe and lonely. I know women will be up in arms over my article calling it misleading and shallow, but here is a dose of the bitter pill ladies, we-the current breed of women are nowhere near who our mothers were. They were disciplined, submissive, cultured, hard working and decent to a fault. Still they accepted co-wives and lived like a family.

Here you are with four children by different baby daddies, dress like socialite wannabe, cannot cook, and is ill mannered and still shy away from being a second or even third wife? It is not playing second fiddle; it only implies the other woman came first, simple. Both or all of you have different positions and roles to play but bottom line is that you are a family and hey, always respect the first wife regardless of your position. It does not have to make sense, it is the reality. Polygamy is here to stay.

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@ScophineO