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How do I tell my boyfriend I'm pregnant again?

 Photo; Courtesy

I am 21 years old and living with my boyfriend who is 23 although he works in Dar-e-salaam. We were blessed with our first baby boy last year in October and I just found out that I am five months pregnant. My boyfriend was really shocked when I got pregnant the first time but now I think he is going to go crazy about this. I was put on the 3-month injection about two weeks after I delivered so I don’t know how this happened. He still doesn’t have a stable job and I think this will be too much for him. He will be coming home in two weeks and I am not sure what to do with this pregnancy. I am very embarrassed and I doubt that anyone will understand how this happened. My friend is advising me to get rid of it and concentrate on my first born. Please advise me before it is too late. {Dorene Nthenge}


Your Take:

Dorene, abortion is a crime and is also against nature. It will also haunt you for the rest of your life. If your boyfriend loves you, he ought to understand you and accept the pregnancy. Stand firm.

{Calvin Queens}

Imagine if your mother had aborted you. Whoever is giving you advice to abort is lying to you. Abortionists are same as murderers. The difference is they are silent murderers. Once you abort, the evil will follow you to your grave.

You could also damage yourself in the process. This could be the next leader of our society and can also be a blessing to your life and your family. You never know about tomorrow. Poverty or your husband’s unstable job should not make you ruin your baby’s life. Life is precious.

{Onyango Outha}

If only you knew how some of us have longed to have children? They are a gift from God and you are married, so you need not worry about this. It is better to feel embarrassed for a while than remain guilty for the rest of your life.

{Nan Mcokoth}

I suggest you talk to a marriage counselor and a medical practitioner to get advice on how to go about this. Do not worry about your husband; he will take the news in good faith.

 Otherwise, what if you got twins with your first pregnancy, does this mean he would not have taken responsibility? Then take time to consider your family planning options and explore the one that would work well for you.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

Life is sacred so do not even imagine that you can terminate it. There are many women out there who would have loved to have a child but are unable. Tell him you are expecting another child and leave it open to him to make a decision. After all, he is not the only man, looking for a woman to marry. There are many men looking for women, with children, to marry. However, next time be careful with your sexual appetite.

{Tasma Charles}

No man in his right senses should disown a pregnancy with his wife. Anybody engaging in unprotected sex should be ready for any news so he should help you through this journey.

Forget about abortion; let him come back home and face the reality that you are pregnant again! Having your first baby boy meant the second was on the way, and surely it is.

{Ouma Ragumo}

There are many methods of family planning and you need to find-out which is suitable for you! For now, I advise that you talk to your spouse and prepare yourselves for another baby. It is a sin in the eyes of God to terminate a pregnancy. If need be, talk to a counselor for more advise.

{Pastor Ben Shikuku}


Counselor’s Take:

Dorene, at this point there is absolutely nothing to do about that situation except to carry the pregnancy to full term. When some things happen, they just happen and there is nothing we can do about them. I know the advice you are looking for but you may not get that kind of advice from this forum.

Yes, your friends are encouraging you to get rid of it and it certainly feels like the convenient thing to do but it is definitely not the right thing to do.

In Kenya, our laws do not allow us to procure abortions as and when we desire. They are only allowed under the advice of registered medical practitioners and when there are indications of gross consequences if the pregnancy is not terminated hence they remain illegal.

Further, you are considering this for all the wrong reason. You are considering abortion because you are afraid of what your boyfriend or other people will think and say about you when they find out. Remember Dorene, people will always talk about anything and everything.

If you conceive immediately after giving birth, they will talk ill of you. If you take too long to conceive thereafter they will still talk about it. Get “other people” out of this equation and focus on settling this matter with your boyfriend.

You tried your best and took precaution to prevent this but it happened nonetheless. Tell him about this and do it early otherwise waiting will make this even more difficult for you. That pregnancy is indeed his responsibility as much as it is yours. Bring this to his attention and start planning for the baby that is en-route.

God has a way of balancing things off and he cannot bless you with another child and not provide you with the means to take care of it.

Things will fall into place and with time you may actually be happier that the children came at the same time. However, upon successful delivery of this pregnancy, try a more effective family planning method. {Taurus}

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