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This is Not The One I Married


This is not the man i married

Anticipating a happily ever after marriage is okay. However, disappointment is likely to come sooner than later.  Usually, there is a lot to do in preparation of the grand wedding and the details that go with it leaving little room for marriage preparation.

Three months after John and Charity said ‘I do’, they were both complaining “This is not what I bargained for”. It is not uncommon to experience some disappointment after marriage.

First, the couple is on adrenaline from the excitement of the relationship and anxiety about a new life that they have no preview of.  The expectation of “ happily ever after” is high and thus the disappointment when the euphoria is over and reality hits home. Conflict, misunderstandings and responsibilities become a reality and the couple who are adjusting to meet one another’s needs become challenged and disillusioned. Often I have heard complains like; “This is not the person that I married”.

Relax, there is no love lost. The issue may simply be about expectations that have not been met.  It would be important to pose the question, “do I have unrealistic expectations?”

Realistic expectations

We all have certain expectations of our significant other. One would think it is natural and normal for one to expect their partner to be available for them, always going an extra mile to love them and make sacrifices for their happiness.

It is great to expect that you and your partner will always be intimate, enjoying every moment together and having a great relationship. However, it would be naïve to expect that it will always be so. Always be realistic about expectations. When they are not fulfilled, reflect and evaluate whether your expectations are realistic or unattainable.


Developing self-awareness means getting to know and understand yourself, how you react to diffrent situations. Most importantly, get to know  your love language and that of your partner.

Realistic fantasies

Fantasies are part of life and everyone has some levels of fantasy. Be realistic and determine whether the fantasies are attainable.

Take responsibility

Always be willing to take responsibility for your part of the problem. Usually, a partner may refuse to admit their role in a conflict that arises from unmet expectations instead becoming defensive.

This only escalates the problem and denies the relationship the much-needed growth. Be brave and take responsibility.


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