Got a bone to pick with Ocampo? Just swallow!

Peter Kimani

There is a comic feel to the stunned silence that has greeted Luis Moreno Ocampo’s announcement that the International Criminal Court has 20 names of men and women they want to pursue.

Why, for a generation who talk for a living, (and walking when the price is right), it is unlikely that they are quiet because they have learned the nobility of silence.

A clarification; politicians’ walk does not imply soiling hands in toil; it is merely a weekend stroll to escort "friends" to burials, and clapping in the right places, all for a price of not less than Sh100,000.

I suspect the stakes are likely to go higher for attending burials in the rainy season can be a tricky affair. Why, the earth has been shifting beneath our feet to unleash avalanches high enough to bury houses, and some lives, too. It could bury careers.

Read My Lips

But the muted response to Ocampo’s edict isn’t so much about newfound respect for the dead, nor phobia for moving sludge; it is possibly about what silence implies.

The most apt interpretation to this, is "read my lips," the political parlance that George Saitoti epitomises. The professor of Mathematics succinctly conveys the wisdom in non-verbal communication, which bears fresh meaning in Ocampo’s Kenya.

So no chest-thumping antics by politicians, daring Ocampo to go to hell, have been replaced with curious contemplations that include hiring busy bodies in universities to scuttle the process.

Why, they know there is time for everything. There is time to slurp on a bone in child-like stunts, then there is the time to hold your breath and warily swallowing the bone, not quite sure if one is to survive or suffer suffocation.

Twenty is a good number for the Hague-bound politicians, mainly because they hold 80 percent of the nation’s recources. Hoping that Ocampo’s estimates are accurate, we could have a clean slate if the criminals in our midst, whether disguised as political or business elite is removed from our midst.

Inevitable Justice

Then there is the powerful image of the imminent repatriation of Rwanda’s former First Lady to face charges of genocide after 16 years on the run, confirming the inevitability of justice, even when its wheels grind slowly. So let’s marvel in the silence and contemplate life anew and imagine politics above the din of tribe and where everyone is put to account.

The rains shall pass, of course, as shall the night. Tomorrow, the clouds could lift and enamour some men in suits to wander off to a burial and let rip.

Alternately, they could meet and say nothing at all save for pocketing the attendance fee, and that, too, could be very telling. They have swallowed their pride.

Maths that won’t add up

There is a new kid on the block, and he thinks working out math problems is like munching a juicy piece of soft roast meat. That would be his explanation in Ngong, where his Maasai High School is based.

Were Benjamin Kimuyu to teach in a place like Mandera, then the example of supple, well boiled meat going by the name of aleso would do.

Kimuyu is fresh from university, and has only taught for two years. His wards, 22 in all, had the best score in the country in math. Fifteen had straight As, the lowest scored B-.

Kimuyu’s winning formula is simple. He uses examples picked from his environment to explain abstract mathematical principles.

Now Kimuyu is going to deal with a problem of a different kind. By now, the number of school heads willing to pay him many times over what his current school offers, is likely to merit a mathematical calculation.

Why, Kenyans believe there is a price for everyone, and we collectively place a premium on good grades, and are willing to pay for it. Is Maasai High’s good performance going to cost them their excellent teacher?

Political games in football

There has been much talk about South Africa’s inability in pulling off the World Cup, due in less than 100 days.

Quite conveniently, the scepticism is grounded in repeated claims of runaway crime although the concerns are pure racist tosh, the sort that predicted grass would overrun airports due to neglect after the Mandela takeover in 1994.

But then, we had the Cabinda episode in Angola when some idiots decided sportsmen were legitimate military targets.

Now, part of the conspiracy against Africa is to keep foreigners ignorant about the continent, so it was natural for broadcasters to keep asking how the Cabinda skirmish would impact on the World Cup in South Africa, as though Africa is one country.

Perhaps it is – or that is the way it has been imagined by European powers that scrambled for it 125 years ago last month.

The difference is that the scramble for the continent is being waged by Africans who have lost have internalised the lies spoken about their continent.

QuickRead

Jimmi helping the infirm stand up

Jimmi K has a new calling, and he is doing it with such dogged determination, I suspect he is going to win a Head of State commendation before the end of the year.

I saw him in bended toil last weekend peering through his glasses to pluck out jiggers from peasants that couldn’t even stand on their feet, as Jimmi’s lobby, Simama Kenya, demands.

If he is not rewarded by the State for his efforts in that special manner, as Cecilia Mwangi was the other day, Jimmi should feel shortaged.

A promise to keep to JM

There was a small commemoration for JM Kariuki, the populist politician killed 35 years ago this week.

A birdie says Prezzo was on the committee that organised his burial, and promised to take care of his family, while pledging that JM’s killers would be known one day.

He kept none of his commitments. A member of the JM family says Prezzo has done nothing in 35 years to help his widows or children. Neither has he made any efforts, now that he is Head of State, to unearth JM’s killers.

A mule to carry princes to palace

PNU has a new name, doesn’t it? Well, some say it’s not new at all. Just ask Wilfred Machage, who will hear nothing about joining Progressive Democratic Movement.

I personally think that PDM is the most imaginative acronym, not just because it mirrors ODM, it also sounds like punda (donkey).

Will Ceasar give something back?

Victims of pyramid schemes, in which billions were lost have sued the State for acting like an accomplice in the con game. About 150,000 people are enjoined in a suit that wants the Government compelled to prosecute the culprits and create a database where victims can lodge complaints.