Inheritance tearing us apart

By Nyambura Maina

I am a 40-year-old woman who is currently unemployed. I am able to find odd jobs to make ends meet. I have no husband or children. I spend most of the time caring for my ageing parents. Recently my father fell ill and, to my surprise, my brothers were in very high spirits going on about how much they stand to inherit. I was appalled by their behaviour. I would love my father to leave me something, but I do not dwell on this. How can I ensure that my family is not torn by this looming conflict in the future?

Annabelle, Migori

Kenya is a patriarchal society where the man is the head of the household and women often have little influence on decisions affecting their lives. Customarily, women do not own property or the land they till, which causes them economic strife and places them in positions of dependence.

This contributes to poverty and the poor standards of living across the country. According to customary practices, women do not inherit property from their parents or husbands as property ownership generally follows a male lineage. What is worse is that many men are not in the habit of writing wills and this leaves many homes in a mess, once the patriarch of the house passes on.

In some communities, when a man dies, his relatives disinherit his widow and children, leaving them without property or means to sustain themselves.

Many times cases are reported of women and their children finding themselves homeless after bereavement. It is unfortunate that while your father is ailing, there are those in your family who seem to be rejoicing. No doubt your parents are grateful to you for looking out for them in their old age, but do not expect anything in return.

Give your assistance without expecting to receive in order to avoid any disappointment in future. If you are worried that things may turn out messy, raise the issue instead of waiting for things to happen. You may choose to call a family meeting so that everyone gets a chance to air his or her views.

You are aware of your brothers’ intentions, but this should not deter you from seeking an amicable solution. You may also choose to speak to your parents and make them aware of what is going on so that plans for the future can be made by those with the power to decide. Getting legal advice may also work in everyone’s favour.

Do not let these worries hold you back from pursuing your own happiness. Being unmarried or childless does not mean that your life is not as valuable as everyone else’s. You too have dreams that you wish to see fulfilled. Find out what they are and pursue them.

Common counsel

Vulnerable position

Annabelle, you are in a vulnerable position because you do not have much to your name and your brothers cannot be relied upon. You are a mature woman with no husband or children of her own so there will be no one to take care of you when your parents are no longer around. Start thinking of how you can build yourself up quickly so that you have something to fall back to. Leave your brothers and their wives to fight amongst themselves. They have shown that they are uncouth individuals eyeing your parents’ property even before they have died.

Damaris, 39

Parents’ will

Ask your father to write a will. You have access to your parents since you take care of them all the time. Sit down with them and advise them about the impending doom. It is unlikely that you will be left any of the property because you are a woman and can still get married eventually. Your parents will listen to you because you have nothing to gain out of it other than seeing to it that peace prevails in the family.

Godwin Mareka

Contingency plan

God willing you will put a stop to the madness that has engulfed your family before it is too late. I am a victim of being cut off from my husband’s possessions when he passed on. My three children and I were thrown out of our house and left destitute. My brother-in-law and his wife took almost everything we had in the house. I was able to salvage books and clothes for the children. We had to seek refuge at my mum’s place. Although recently we found our own place to live in, it meant starting from scratch. If you do not want the same to happen to you, start putting your things together and hide them in a safe place. In case you are left anything by your parents, be prepared for a fight with your siblings.

Winnie, 28

Add a dependant

Conceive a baby so that you are not left high and dry. If you have a baby your parents will take into consideration that you need some property. If you remain alone, chances are you will end up with nothing to call your own. It may be selfish to think of protecting yourself like this but your brothers are not in the least bit bothered to look out for you. Don’t bother trying to sort out their greedy tendencies — you cannot change their evil hearts.

James, 41

Exhaust all avenues

You need to deal with the problem systematically. The starting point is your father’s illness — find the cure. If there is no cure, ask him to write a will. Meanwhile, sit down with your brothers and talk about it. Tell them inheritance is not everything and they need to think about their father. You can also see a lawyer and learn what your inheritance options are.

Marian Yahya, Isiolo

Respect and accept any decision

Wrangles over inheritance are still common. As much as everybody wants and expects to get something from their parents, it is good to learn to respect and accept their decision. If your father feels that your brothers deserve the inheritance then accept it. It does not make you less of his child. If your father feels that you deserve something, your brothers should not deny you. It is not logical to fight for something that we have not struggled and worked for. If conflict arises, get out there, find something of your own and no one will bother you.

Regina Ndinda, 20

You deserve your share

Annabelle, it must be very painful to hear people talking of inheritance before your father has died! They should give medication first priority. Since you are the one who cares for your parents, you automatically deserve your share of inheritance. This can only be done through negotiation. Talk to your father. I don’t think he will reject you because you are his daughter. A good parent will call all his children and share equally among them all that he has. What you should do to secure your share is seek legal procedures and rule of law so as to avoid inconvenience in future when your father is not around.

Kilel, 30