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Marry with a reason, and stand by it

 Marriage is a bed of roses only people forget the thorns (Photo: iStock)

The concept of family is a complex one that frequently devours its creators.

When a couple meets and marries, every decision revolves around the two of them. They envision a wonderful life together.

They express their hopes, wishes, and ambitions. They talk about their future careers and where they see themselves in the many years they expect to be together blissfully.

At this point in life, life is more imaginative than practical. Some kind of utopia, I suppose.

To create a perfect atmosphere, any signs of danger are quickly swept away and tucked under the mat. In fact, even obvious biological threats are ignored in order for the two to remain together.

In the end, love triumphs and rules. Love is presumably so powerful that it can overshadow a potentially disastrous reality like having sick children.

However, the excitement phase is quickly overtaken by certain harsh realities. When children are born, they take centre stage and become the anchor around which the family’s wheel revolves. They determine whether a parent can quit his or her job, whether it is possible to change jobs or relocate to a new city in the middle of the school year.

The woman who was all warmth in the early stages of a relationship abruptly shifts focus to her newly discovered bundles of joy, and the man is quickly pushed back.

The man, on the other hand, must recognise that the universe is not a long romantic fabric and that his primary reason for existence is to provide for his family - he does not have to be happy to wake up and go to work; he is required to go to work because his child must eat and poop in sanitary diapers every day, his happiness notwithstanding.

Family is complicated because two people whose foundation was a dual pillar suddenly must accommodate new members.

On the surface, a young couple imagines that life will take place only between the sheets, with moans on soft days and screams on more aggressive days.

Also, when two grown-ups are overly excited and their brains are taken over by hormones, they can go hungry for as long as they are locked in a riveted embrace and the rest of the world is safely locked out.

They must eventually untangle themselves to return to family duties such as feeding the children and checking their homework.

As sex rapidly descends the social ladder, they will soon become part of intriguing statistics. The stubborn facts surrounding the impending reality are more disturbing than disappointing. Even dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin cannot mask the reality of falling sex frequencies among married couples, as evidenced by statistics indicating that 7% of American adults had sex only once or twice in the previous year. In the previous year, 10% had no sex at all, while 19% had sex twice or three times per month.

The highest rating is that 25% had sex every week. So, they are forced to gradually learn that it is normal to return to a moody wife 75% of the time in a week or a man uninterested in them for whatever reason, be it work pressure or a mpango wa kando milking him dry on his way home from work.

Nonetheless, family must stand together and continue because it is a choice of responsibility that goes beyond the initial superficial excitement. It necessitates sacrifices from both parties that are beyond their comfort zones.

If a young man discovers his wife in a compromising situation, the world will be treated to free truth aimed at exposing her as a whore. The same man will be forced by nature to respond differently to the same situation because the woman in question is the mother of his children, and if she is of low morals, that label may be extended to his innocent daughter in the future.

Recently, a child attempted suicide at a local school after anti-corruption officers arrested his father, and his peers mocked him by repeatedly reminding him that his father was a thief.

As a result, a father would rather live an honest and modest life than expose his child as a thief. Family takes away that carefree spirit and replaces it with a sense of responsibility.

We recognise that there are numerous reasons why when young men in their prime oozed rogue characteristics that posed a threat to society, they were forced to start a family. Family tames even the wildest beasts and sobers up even the most notorious girls, whose shaky legs can only be anchored around her own marriage and children.

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