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Home / Girl Talk

Signs that you are both not ready for marriage

 All my friends are planning their weddings, and now I’ve been thinking it’s time I got married (Shutterstock)

Hi Chris,

All my friends are planning their weddings, and the mood’s catching, so for a while now I’ve been thinking it’s time I got married.

My boyfriend and I met in college and now we’re both doing well in our first jobs, and so it just feels the right time.

I’m also still living with my parents, and keen to leave home! I’d also like to start my family early rather than late.

But he’s not keen. He says he’s not ready, and still enjoying being single, whatever that means, but I worry that I’ll never find anyone better than him.

Do you think we are ready to make the next step?

I Want to Marry

——

Hi I Want to Marry! 

Take your time, because many marriages are doomed before they even start. Often for reasons that in hindsight were obvious from when you first met.

And feeling left behind as your friends start getting married is a bad reason to rush things. As is convincing yourself that you won’t find anyone better!

So think carefully. Don’t even think about marrying your boyfriend if your relationship isn’t deeply satisfying.

Or if he ever does stuff that’s flaky, dishonest, lazy or just plain weird! He won’t change, and so eventually you’ll end up completely miserable together.

And be especially careful if he’s not keen! Because you need someone who’s committed to you. And whose personality, values and lifestyle match yours. And who treats you well. And makes you happy. 

So don’t compromise!

You should also think about yourself. Are you really ready? Because couples who marry young are much more likely to fail. Don’t marry to escape from your parents either!

Before you can create a successful marriage you also need to develop your own independence, and to learn the skills to cope with the inevitable disasters.

It’s also important not to marry before you’re sure you’re in the right profession. So work on your career for a while. And move out of your parent’s house into a place of your own.

So you can learn how to be self-sufficient, pay the bills, save money, and be alone without being lonely. And definitely avoid starting a baby before you’re ready. Because most relationships that do face huge difficulties.

Also ask yourself if you’ve had enough experience to tell whether your boyfriend will be a good husband or not. Because everything changes as you marry. From having fun to making a life together. And if your partner’s just too busy with his friends to make your relationship a priority? Find someone who will!

Sorry to sound so negative. But why rush into an iffy marriage, when with a little more experience you can start one that will be truly wonderful? Perhaps with your present boyfriend, when he’s become a little more mature. Or with someone you haven’t even met yet…

All the best,

Chris

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