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How to tell your partner what you want during intimacy

Between The Sheets
 Good communication is a sign of a healthy relationship (Photo: Shutterstock)

One of the things that really bugs me when it comes to relationships is being afraid to say what you want. And when it comes to bedroom matters, silence can and will lead to an undesirable situation like cheating and resentment.

But, considering how sensitive it can be to tell someone that your needs aren’t being met, it’s necessary to speak up so that you and your partner are on the same page. The tips below will help you tell your partner what you want in the bedroom. 

1. Do it on neutral ground

One of the best tips I came across while doing my research was to have this conversation on neutral ground. It’s natural to associate certain places with specific events. You don’t want to do it in the bedroom or in your sitting room where your partner will have a constant reminder of your conversation. Talk, say, when you go for a walk and it’s just the two of you.

 If your partner is falling short of your expectations, avoid being passive aggressive (Photo: Shutterstock)

2. Be as specific as you possible

Don’t just tell your partner that you aren’t getting what you want or that they are “bad in bed”, tell them what exactly you want i.e. more of this, less of that. If you want something completely out of the box, speak to your partner and give them time to process. Be ready for a yes or no answer.

One sex educator recommends telling your partner how you want to feel if you feel shy about being specific about what you want.

3. Give as much as you want to receive

It’s unfair to expect your partner to perform certain acts when you don’t reciprocate. Think about it, it’s just selfish to expect to receive when you give the bare minimum. So as you speak to your partner about what you like, ask them what they’d like as well.

 Be specific about what you want and how you want to feel (Photo: Shutterstock)

4. Speak up

If your partner is falling short of your expectations, avoid being passive aggressive about it. Don’t sulk, give him the silent treatment , be sarcastic or even fake an orgasm. Communication is a key component of healthy relationships so respectfully and lovingly tell your partner what you’d like instead of making him guess or playing mind games with him.

5. No comparisons

The worst thing you can do to your partner’s ego is comparing them to a past lover. Whether you do this to his face or in your mind, it will have a bad effect on your relationship. Start with letting go of all your previous relationships no matter how good it was in the bedroom. Then give your new partner a chance, teach him what you like and give yourselves time to get into a rhythm.

What ‘old person’ things do you do?

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