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Hello,
My partner and I have been together for seven years. I would love to get married and have mentioned it to him a lot over years, trying to raise some enthusiasm, but he always changes the subject or comes up with some excuse.
The latest is the pandemic and the uncertainty it has brought, so it’s just “not the right time”.
When will be the right time? I really love him, but his attitude stinks and I feel upset by his unwillingness to commit.
We’ve been living together for five years and may as well be married, but I feel he’s sucking all the romance out of our relationship.
As a result, I’ve been quite moody and distant at home, which he’s noticed and commented on, but I just can’t face having the same discussion again.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about moving out – not ending the relationship, but just giving myself and him time to think about the relationship and where it’s going?
Maybe if he misses me, he’ll realise what he has to lose. Is that a good idea or just a way of threatening him? I don’t know what to do for the best.
Reply
Sometimes giving each other space can work and it can make you stronger as a couple, but you have to accept it’s also a risk and it could backfire. So I guess it comes down to whether you’re willing to gamble.
I don’t think ignoring the elephant in the room – marriage – is the right way to go and you need to find out what’s at the root of his reluctance to walk down the aisle.
Maybe that piece of paper and the ceremony just aren’t important to him and won’t change how he feels about you.
Or perhaps he has a deep-rooted fear of commitment or, and this is the tough one, maybe he has doubts about the relationship. But you’re not going to know unless he’s honest with you.
If you decide to move out, don’t make it an ultimatum, but just say you think it would be beneficial for both of you to have some space away from each other to work out how you really feel and what you want from your future.
Would you rather see the future or change the past?
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