Men only: Common relationship myths derailing women

1. You will never meet a serious man at a party

From African time immemorial, women have been told that the best places to meet good men are at ‘safe spaces’ – like in church, Rotary or Book Clubs, and not bars. Church is a good place to meet a boring chap

Whereas if you go man-hunting at a rotary or book club, do-gooders and nerds may not appreciate your ‘distraction.’ Granted, clubs may hook you up with an alcoholic. But house parties are some of the best male/female hunting grounds.

2. He will NEVER leave his wife

‘Trust you me,’ as Kenyans like to say in their own unique English (the same way they say ‘he assumed me’ to mean the ex-boyfriend ignored her) – but some men do leave the wife for the mistress (note, not the clandestine/side chick).

The difference is a side chick is like a spare tyre (when the effer needs a break from missus), ‘clande’ is those chicks who are taken for trips (but mostly to lodges) while the mistress is a long running relationship, maybe with a child or two, and so viable.

3. Walk away if he ever hits you

I’m now treading on dangerous territory, pardon the pun, but it is ‘Men Only’ terrain to take angles where only eagles and angels dare – so, here we go. The fact is that couples get into domestic disputes and fight, some even physically.

There are people out there who say ‘it starts with a slap, and ends with a burial,’ but that’s like saying because Tony is a kleptomaniac when it comes to biro pens, one day he will steal your car! Beware, I’m not talking of sticking by a man who puts you in a hospital bed (next to caped Robert Burale), but try not to solve your s*** with fistcuffs.

4. Never ever forgive a cheat, because he will definitely Repeat

This is another myth that is out there, and that is why, as a man, I stand with Will Smith. There are men out there who cheat as a matter of course, and I mean that literally, like ‘because I had fish on Friday, I must eat beef on Saturday and taste pork on Sunday...’

Then there’s what men call ‘kuteleza,’ a drunken one-night stand in a faraway land, etc.

5. You don’t need his family’s blessings

Let me tell ye a true story.

A few years ago, there was a popular personality who fell in love with his colleague. But his mother refused to accept her, he stood her up at their wedding, they got married later (minus the mother’s blessing/with cusses), they got blessed with a baby, albeit with issues, she got into an affair with his powerful BFF, they divorced, he remarried.

The long-and-short of it is this – if a man’s family rejects you in toto, don’t elope. Hapo kuna shida! Better dump him.

6. The ‘boy’ child doesn’t matter

These days, it is fashionable to say ‘the sex of the baby does not matter,’ and this is mostly true for men with the first toi, and possibly even the second (because ‘modern’ families these days are all about one, or two, three tops).

But even if they don’t say it, many African men still want a male ‘heir’ (even if he’ll equally share with his sister/s). So you will find a chap who’d planned to have just two kids go for a third, hoping it’s a boy. I know one couple who got fifth time lucky – yet had planned to have just three kids. If you can afford it, IVF clinics can now sex select.

7. He does not need a helper

Then there’s a type of woman who thinks that if her husband works, baaas, she can just sit back and relax. I’m not just talking of Karen housewives (with their mall shopping days). You’ll find a woman in Umoja, because her hubby has a 75K net job in the CBD (na wako na Toyota Primus, and live in a 15K flat, imagine wamefika coz she was born and reared in Kamayole). Be a helper to your man! And on that note, wish to thank my lifelong helper n mother of me son, Florah Kagwiria, and end on a very merry sixth anniversary note.

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