I'm 22 years old and I have been in a 6-month relationship with my girlfriend who is 21. Last week, she called and said that she needs time to think critically and decide on our relationship. She further revealed that she doesn't have "romantic love" towards me and therefore I should give her time to think about our relationship. I really love her and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable about anything so I gave her time. I am not sure what to do now. Should I wait for her until she makes a decision or should I forget about her and move on? Even if I got into another relationship I don’t think I would concentrate or love any other girl the way that I love her. Please help me out.
What the readers say:
A sensible lady may buy time in order to test and prove your virtues as a man so ascertain if your love is genuine or if you’re merely after sex. Have a talk with her to resolve the stalemate so as to give the relationship one more try and also ask her for some time if you are not ready to propose to her immediately.
Which method did you use to know what you say you feel towards her? Can you wake up and be practical enough to accept that there are better women out there who can make you feel love like you had never fallen in love before. So far, this one is gone and stop wasting your time. You are wiser now and as you walk on, you will be a better man.
Your girlfriend must have found a better lover so she is politely telling you to look for another woman and leave her alone. Forget about this lady and stop wasting your time. There are more women outside there. Rather than be stressed, try and move on with your life.
You are too young to be thinking about ‘forever’. Besides, you have so much to do and so many places to go. Why do you want to tie yourself down with a woman who wants to be free? Explore your world first, find something you love more than her and you might find someone who shares your dream.
David, your girlfriend has one notable quality that is so rare. That is honesty. This is a virtue that we all admire but very few of us can accept. Many relationships suffer because of lack of honesty. Individuals are increasingly perfecting the art of pretence and partners are becoming actors and actresses. The reason is people do not like and cannot stand the truth especially when it does not favour them.
In addition, a relationship cannot be one-sided. No individual has an infinite love for another, such that they can love without receiving the same from their partner. You have done well to give her time to think and reflect.
As she does her soul-searching, you also need to be ready to accept her decision. If she does not feel the same for you, respect that decision. You cannot force it. You will be much happier being alone than being in a relationship built on falsehoods. You deserve to be loved back or else you will burn out with time. You cannot be the only giver. Do not allow yourself to be too desperate. Desperation is fertile ground for manipulation. I am sure you do not want someone tossing you around in the name of love.
Look at this positively – that not many people are fortunate enough to be told the truth. So wish her well. You will meet someone else who will be so glad to be with you and will reciprocate your love. The feeling that you re likely not to love another girl the way you have loved your girlfriend is normal at your age. Just give yourself enough time to get over the hurt.
Hilda Boke Mahari has a background in Counselling Psychology
David, this is only the beginning and you have a long way ahead of dealing with women troubles. Actually, the greater part of your life will be spent dealing with issues brought about by them so it is too early to start worrying about such things right now. You ought to enjoy being young and live life one day at a time.
However, I understand what you are going through at the moment and I will address myself to that situation. So after 6 months, she calls you and tells you she needs time to think and decide about your relationship?
This is good and yes, you would not want to make her feel uncomfortable about anything and all the nice things you said but with time, David, you will get to know that in every situation you will have to consider your interests first before considering the interests of others.
She wants time, give her time but let her know that she does not have all the time in the world to think about this. Your life has to go on and should she come back and find things slightly different then she should only blame herself. You have to establish your value in this relationship and in every other situation, you will encounter in your life. This is the only way you will increase your leverage and influence in that situation.
I will also tell you one other thing - she is not thinking about anything and she is probably just as in love with you as you are with her – if not more. I can see through her like polished glass and this is a common move with ladies when they want to take the driver’s seat in any relationship. She wants to take control of the relationship and have you eating from the palm of her hand.
If you look through your question she only refers to herself; who is talking about you? As a matter of fact, tell her to take all the time she needs but as she does don’t appear to be staring at your phone waiting for her to call. Move on with your life and pursue success and happiness. You will be glad that she made that decision and you will like the outcome of this. When (not if), she comes back now have things on your own terms. Then you will be the one to critically think and see if you want to be in a relationship with her. This is the only way you will get back control of the relationship.
Simon Anyona is a relationships counsellor
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