Why It's okay to 'lungula' a friend - Evewoman

Lady Speak

There is nothing wrong with sleeping with your friend

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Men have been doubtful about friends with benefits arrangements because they are afraid that the women will develop feelings for them.

I hate to perpetuate the ‘oxytocin myth,’ which implies that women inadvertently fall in love with every guy they have sex with because of oxytocin, which is also known as the ‘love hormone,’ or the ‘trust hormone,’ that is released during sex and orgasm and physical closeness such as cuddling, kissing and hugging.

Since time immemorial, men have been doubtful about friends with benefits arrangements because they are afraid that the women will develop feelings for them and ruin the whole thing. This is absolute nonsense. Women are very much capable of having strictly causal relationships just like their male counterparts. Do not assume that every woman is pining for a relationship with the guy she is sleeping with.

Friends with benefits (FWB) relationships are becoming very popular among women. FWBs serve as a middle position between casual sex with strangers and sex with a committed partner. FWBs eliminate the inherent risks associated with both the casual relationship and the committed relationships such as ending up with a bad lover and getting a slutty reputation from sleeping around.

To most women, a FWB arrangement is the perfect way to prepare themselves for a real commitment when they are ready. It is also quite helpful for people who have just come out of long-term relationships and want to enjoy sex without committing themselves to someone else first.

Having said that, there are some instances where a woman can find herself falling fast for her friend with benefits. If this happens, is it possible to turn this arrangement into something more serious? Yes, it is possible! First of all, the fact that he is your friend with benefits means that you already have an existing friendship. Unlike with one-night stands, the two of you are not just jumping into bed silently and parting ways immediately after the deed is done. Men don’t typically just hang out with any woman, so there is a real chance that he actually likes you.

Granted, men love sex more than anything else in this world, but there’s only so much a guy is willing to put up with to get to it. So, if the two of you are getting it on regularly, then he likes you, or at least tolerates being around you. Now that you know that at the very least he likes you and enjoys spending time with you, you need to determine how he feels about a potential relationship.

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He has to be at least open to a relationship or else you don’t stand a chance. Throw out a few well-calculated feeler comments and see how he responds. Make sure that the comments are subtle and innocuous. Don’t just blurt out, ‘I think I am falling in love with you,’ because he will run.

Also, try expanding your repertoire of interactions to something outside the bedroom. Maybe you could suggest grabbing a cup of coffee before hitting the sack. This way, you get to interact with him outside the bedroom.


At the end of the day, if a man doesn’t want a relationship with you, there is little you can do to change that, so don’t beat yourself up if you fail. Work on yourself to become a strong, self-sufficient and independent woman. You don’t need a man to complete you or make you happy.

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