Carol often asks too many questions you are not willing to answer, because 1) You are always lazy, 2) they are too repetitive, 3) Because you have no answer, actually.
But today, you will answer some of the questions that bother her the most.
1. Why don’t men like saving money?
We have more responsibilities than women. You mostly focus on shopping and your makeup. I have to sort my relatives, school fees, medical expenses, upkeep and such. Women help only a smaller pool. Men have a bigger pool; they can’t escape from helping. So, your salary could be more or less, but it has fewer responsibilities. Makes sense? OK. Just visit Garden Square or any meeting arranging a funeral; you will only see men there. And when women send contributions, it is always some small cash.
2. But you drink most of your money…
Don’t go there.
3. Why do you stay out so late!
We always want to come home, but men have egos. If you throw a round, it would be rude if you left the table before everyone has thrown one. And then it gets to 11pm and, somehow, you lose sense of time before you know it is 3am (thinking to self, we love watching women shake their bottoms too.)
4. Why do you hate the idea of vacation so much?
Vacations are overrated. You can only play with the sand too much. Paying Sh.20,000 a night to sleep in a hotel doesn’t sound like a decent way to buy fun. A good vacation is in the village. Fresh air. Fresh food. You know. (She rolls eyes, dismissively)
5. When will you learn that I hate picking up after you?
Stop being petty. Leaving socks on the floor, or clothes shouldn’t be a big deal. I mean, how much energy do you need to pick up a pair of socks? For heaven sake! Picking up clothes and putting them in the basket should not break a marriage.
6. You don’t like talking about issues, you keep quiet until you explode!
For one, you never listen. You already have your conclusions, so it is a waste of time talking to you. But mostly, we have nothing to say. We like food, sex and silence. We will appreciate it if you give us that. And we hope that by ignoring some things, they can go away.
7. Who is Julie that you are constantly chatting with?
Have you been snooping on my phone? (you ask angrily). She is just an old friend. There is nothing. And I mean nothing. We just share jokes and an occasional drink.
“Is she married?” Carol wants to know.
“No,” you tell her.
“I don’t want you talking to her,” she orders.
8. When will we move to a better neighbourhood?
When we can afford it. But building a home is a better idea. Aren’t you OK here?
9. When are you going to see my mum?
‘When are you visiting my mum?’ you reply.
10. When will you shave your ugly beard?
You are out of order. OUT OF ORDER!