Dear men, here is what to expect incase your woman fell pregnant on Valentines

Last week, my friend Nancy called me at 2am wailing. I thought that something really bad had happened to her as she is pregnant. It took a while for her to compose herself to the point which she was audible. Finally, though still sobbing uncontrollably, she told me that her husband had eaten some of the githeri she had stored in the fridge to eat later. After about 10 minutes, I calmed her down with the promise that I will bring her more githeri the next day.

Pregnant women seem to always have their tears just around the corner. A slight provocation is enough to send a pregnant woman wailing; you would think her whole world has crumbled. This reminded me of the time I shed serious tears on my way home from work. Before you ask why, I’ll tell you that I was very pregnant and pregnant women are allowed to cry anytime, anywhere.

It all began when I was quietly sitting in this matatu that had taken forever to get full. A lady entered and sat next to me and as soon as the matatu started moving, she pulled out the most appetising mango I have ever seen in my life, complete with chilli and salt spread on it. I politely turned to her and asked her for a piece. That was my greatest undoing!

She quickly jumped from her seat, and told the conductor that she wanted to get off at the next stop. And Just like that, she ran away from me. You would have thought that she had seen a ghost. The look that she gave me as she waited to alight told it all. Every passenger in the matatu stretched their long necks to catch a glimpse of this ‘ghost’ that had made a young beautiful lady alight so suddenly.

That is when my tears started flowing! I cried a whole River Nzoia as I called my entire clan members one by one telling them how Nairobi had mean human beings. The conductor did not even ask me for my fare, he instead sat next to me and started telling me how mean men are.

In his imagination, he believed whoever was responsible for my pregnancy was squeezing the life out of me. He helped me rebuke him and curse him. By the time I was getting off, we had both branded the father of my baby a ‘gazelle’ for the speed at which he took off after scoring the goal.

Do not even ask me what goal I am referring to because that would mean taking you through the whole match and getting you acquainted with the midfielder, striker and goalkeeper.

That was just one encounter that I had with tears during the emotional nine months. After my ordeal, I now understand why pregnant women cry over very silly issues. You might wake up one morning to find your wife sobbing because she woke up late and did not see the sun rise. Dear men, when caught in such a situation, do not ever try to convince your woman otherwise.

The best you can do is convince her that you will have a meeting with the sun and ask why it rose before she was up. I know it might sound silly but, trust me, during those nine months, women believe anything. If she prefers her meals on a green plate, you can as well hide all the other plates because the sight of them is enough to earn you a divorce.

March has just begun, February has been a month of pure love. In short, the coming nine months are going to be very tearful for those of you who faced love head-on with no weapon. If you are reading this and you have a wife who is in the family way, kindly share this piece with her, otherwise you will be in for it if she discovers it on her own.