Cleanliness: My children say I have a disorder; I am just thorough

Our young ones believe I have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. And that it manifests best when the housekeeper is away, as she was last week. I don’t agree; I think I am just meticulous about certain things, not all things, especially when they have to do with kitchens and bathrooms.

A few years ago, I enjoyed watching a TV crime investigation series named after the main character, Monk — a man who was completely obsessed about things being exactly so.

Many times, that was how he solved crimes — he always noticed when something somewhere was out of order. Maybe it was one kitchen knife put back hastily in the wrong place so it looked different from the rest; or maybe a missing shirt or jacket button; or a book facing the wrong way in the bookshelf…

All of Monk’s shirts were exactly the same and he did everything in exactly the same way every single day. He was always straightening things wherever he went otherwise he would get very uncomfortable and not even concentrate on a conversation. He was also terrified of germs and contamination and as a result, his house was so clean that you could eat almost eat off the floor.

While I wouldn’t encourage anyone to eat off my floor, I did get him in some ways. When the young ones and I sat down to discuss the chores that needed to be covered during the housekeeper’s absence, I offered to do the first round of dishes.

What was supposed to be a 45-minute job at the most turned into almost two hours as I started by cleaning the environment before getting to the utensils that had taken me to the kitchen in the first place.

 Super-human eye for dirt

By the time I was through, I was exhausted — but satisfied. What surprises me is that when the housekeeper is around, it hardly occurs to me to tackle the cleaning so vigorously. But when she is away, my eyes take on super-human abilities to see places that haven’t been cleaned in ages.

Once I finished the dishes, I turned my attention to the counter tops. I only intended to wipe them dry, but when I picked up the toaster to wipe under it, I heard a soft voice in my head ask: “When was the last time that toaster was cleaned?” I couldn’t resist and before I knew it, I was dismantling the gadget and running the parts under the tap while wiping and shaking the parts that could not be dismantled.

I felt very justified when breadcrumbs from who knows when fell out — enough to make half a loaf of bread!

Clothes hang a certain way

They also laugh at me because I like the hook part of clothes hangers to face a certain direction in the wardrobe. I simply cannot understand how the hubby, our oldest and the youngest (the older girl takes after me on this one) do not notice when their hangers are facing front and back, or the clothes are facing each other like passengers in those matatus of years gone by.

So occasionally, you might find me deep inside a wardrobe, trying to get all the hangers to face the same direction, when I probably went in there for one item only. It could easily be 15 minutes before I emerge wearing a satisfied ‘mission accomplished’ smile.

Money hang-up

However, the compulsion they have completely failed to understand has to do with money. Whenever I am given notes and asked to confirm the amount, I MUST first make sure they all are facing the same direction— face up or animals up.

It doesn’t matter whether the M-Pesa agent has waiting customers behind me, I will first arrange the notes and then count. Otherwise, my brain will not compute. And when they are counted, I won’t just stuff them into my wallet; they must be arranged in order of ‘strength’ — from most to least.

I was not even conscious of this habit until the other day, our oldest sighed, “Really Mum?” as I prepared to count some money I had just received.

But as I said, I am not as bad as Monk. I do have some lazy days, when I can see dust accumulating on various surfaces and completely ignore it because I am tired or just not in the mood. But when I do decide it’s time to tackle the offending dirt, it will be hours before I am done, by which time the whole room — not just the dusty surface — will have received a thorough albeit unscheduled cleaning.