How to break pregnancy news to a man

"I'm pregnant."

The two words have a quick poignant ring to them. To an unmarried couple, any unplanned pregnancy is scarier than death. Thus when the news is broken, men either fight back (is it really mine?) or take the next flight. That is a vital biological lesson we learn in high-school. In danger, hormones have programmed our brains to either fight or run as fast as possible. Sometimes, the danger is your girlfriend calling you to tell you that she has missed her periods.

Now, that is when the true colours of a man surfaces. Men are afraid of three things in life: live bullets, a scorned woman and an unplanned pregnancy. The sobs and tears when a woman calls to tell you she is pregnant are often paradoxical, given the excitement that clouded her judgment resulting in her present predicament. Thus the three first weeks of an unplanned pregnancy determine if the parties involved will settle for an abortion or if we have a single mother in the making.

Pregnancy connotes responsibility. Now, men are chronically allergic to responsibility. Especially if it is a life-time commitment issue, like a child. Think of the bills.

Nowadays it is fairly common to trap a man into marriage through pregnancy. Bachelors with a sustainable job have often found themselves inconveniently trapped into marriage when all the options fail. The days when men could zip up and disappear into the nearest forest are numbered. Children's courts are picking up at a rate that should have men worried. DNA tests, moving on, are going to be an integral part of the children's courts.

What I have noticed is that often it is the wrong person who normally gets pregnant or the right person at the wrong time. For a married man, it is always the house help he relieved his lust on a couple of weeks ago who comes beckoning, or the mistress who threatens to keep the baby with dire consequences. For the college male student, its the girlfriend whom he is not sure whether he is really committed to. And the news invariably comes when he is broke to afford even a backstreet abortion.

Wherever the woman claims she is pregnant, the man's response is always an incredulous 'tell me you're kidding'. And men under such circumstances will be praying that it better be a joke.

As any woman who has ever pulled a man's leg with the line 'I'm pregnant' will attest, there is never a beautiful end to such a story. Men fear, nay, abhor unplanned pregnancies.

And it matters on how, when and where they disclose the news. Most of them choose inappropriate places (during a nice date out), wrong mode (over the phone) and improper times (when a man is broke).

Hence the hostility with which the news is received. Here is some quick advice to women:

First of all, never sound distressed. It complicates matters. I know it is in involuntary, but keep your calm. Secondly, it is better to break the news face-to-face. Look him in the eye and tell him the little fun you had, a little of him got stuck up there. Thirdly, tell him your plans. Men are clueless on unplanned pregnancies. But whatever you do, an abortion should not be on the first card.If you suggest an abortion, you will come out as evil. Like you have been having them all your life. Play reverse psychology. Tell him that you are ready to keep the baby. And assure him that even if he has no means, you will raise the baby on your own. Since men hate being made to feel inadequate, he will offer to cooperate. In the event he suggests an abortion, it is you and your conscience. Mostly, they leave once you have done it.

 Women can do better if they took the issue of contraception seriously. Men have betrayed them and proved lousy, though.