I caught him with a condom in his pocket

Dear Uncle Ted,

I found a condom in my drunken husband’s pocket. But when I confronted him about it, he said that he won some cash on a football bet at his local and that his friend must have pulled a prank on him by slipping the piece of rubber in his pocket instead of a Sh1,000 note. Is he cheating on me?

Dinah

Hi Dinah,

Of course your dog of a husband is cheating on you! Condoms don’t appear miraculously in a man’s pocket and they are not chewing gum either.

 Two things could have happened. One, he bought two packets of rubber because he is over ambitious, but only used one.

That, or he bought one packet hoping to hit pay-dirt, only for your would be ‘co-wife’ to decide she didn’t like his nose and fake a headache.

 Still, in spite of clearly breaking the Seventh Commandment, I think your husband loves and respects you.

A man who remembers to avoid bringing kaswende, dodgy germs and unwanted babies to the woman he loves by buying a condom while blind drunk must be applauded.

 I would, however, strongly recommend that you fumigate him for pubic lice!