Top 10 annoying habits of Kenyans on Facebook

You have probably read a long, senseless post on Facebook that left you wondering what it is exactly the author wanted from people. Empathy? Sympathy? Understanding? What? Or that friend you shared a class with back in undergraduate who now runs a rabbit-meat business has a Facebook page he wants you to like and share. And by that you have to endure hundreds of notifications daily, which again he expects you to share...

Kenyans have certain noxious habits on social media that distinguish them from the rest of the world. So toxic are the habits, that many people are abandoning Facebook or suspending logging in for a long time, if only to gain some sanity. Here are the most annoying habits of Kenyans on Facebook.

1. Taking and sharing photos of the sick or the dead

You can be prayerful and compassionate without telling the whole world. You go to visit a sick person, and like a TV journalist shoving a microphone to an accident victim, you insist on a selfie that you share on Facebook instantly, as if it can help the sick get back to his or her feet. Besides sharing the news about the dead, Kenyans like uploading photos from the scenes of an accident, bomb blasts or anywhere where people die in numbers. The photos soaked in blood are so undignified; nothing can justify the morbid stupidity of those who upload them, disgracing the dead. On this one, Kenyans need some styling.

2. Liking every post. Even when it is death news!

There is nothing to smile about when someone dies. Yet, every post with death news, will have 50-odd 'RIP' messages and cliched consolations and 11 likes.

3. Trading sweet nothings

Facebook now has a way of notifying everyone every single step of your relationship. They have stopped short of a step where adults inform people that their love is consummated. Now there are adolescent adults who call each other sweets, babes, honey and play their love and affairs openly, including silly selfies where they are hanging out. Here is the news for you folks: You look desperate and everyone knows you will breakup.Somehow.

4. Political sycophancy at its peak

We know it earns a few individuals money. Good for them. But spending a whole day bombarding your friends with political messages is really annoying. Yet the two political divides have foot soldiers who have made it their business to mud-sling each other, you wonder what their day job is. 18 months, there are adults yet to get over the elections like sour ex-lovers.  Add to this politicians with Facebook and Twitter accounts who express their opinion on everything from the ongoing cases at the Hague to the behaviour of Gor Mahia fans.

5. Angry adults

We all go through the same pain as Nairobians. Traffic. Garbage. Matatus. Landlords. But some choose to take it on the chin and live each day without complaining. Yet, there are those who cannot hold it back. You scroll through their timeline and they have insulted everyone from the security guard at the bank to mama mboga... Just mature up. Complaining no more solves problems than chewing gum helps solve a tough algebraic equation.

6. People who like their own posts

They deserve to be disowned by everyone. It is internationally frowned upon.

7. Advertising everywhere even in comments sections

You post a good post. People like it and comment. And then some imbeciles sense an opportunity and jump to advertise their goods and services. From phones, to sugar mummies to their MBA and data analysis capabilities, they will invade your personal space, without as much as knocking on the door. They remind you why jails were built in the first place.

8. Facebook mothers

Nobody can deny that motherhood is the greatest gift of all. But latter day mothers are full of it. Having the picture of child as a profile pic is not cool, no matter how many unpretentious comments run in your timeline about how cute your kid is. The true testament of parenthood is how the toddler turns up!

9. Animal lovers

You seem to most people like you are trying too hard to be White. Africans have never been kinder to dogs or cats. So when a Theophilus Namuchanja or Pauline Ngugi posts photos of their pets claiming they are adorable, it leaves a sour taste in our mouths of many for the deception.

10. Long religious posts

In the days gone, we received long emails that threatened us that we will be be struck by lightning if we did not share. Now the proselytizing types are on Facebook and asking people to type Amen and share and expect a miracle. We would share, but nobody has time to read a 5,000 word essay and share at the end. Whatever happened to the summary classes?