Wives must learn to trust their men with house helps

One of the occupational hazards of being a married man, besides the scary prospect of being served cold ugali and cabbage after the third year of marriage, is the existential doubt of the wives that you are sleeping with the house-help.

A woman can be a CEO of a blue-chip company, drives a top-of-the range German machine, holds an Ivy League degree but a house help with little or no formal education is a source of so much suspicion, they live in this mortal fear that man always sneaks back home for some hanky-panky.

Women have this self-defeatist mentality that all men are dogs, and they can go to ridiculous lengths to ensure that you don't end up sleeping with the house help. The old, clichéd approach of ensuring the house help looks as homely as possible, is still used in recruiting house helps. Some have used older women, older aunts, or their mothers among other stupid and highly immature measures all in a bid to forestall the man from dipping his joystick in the wrong cookie jar.

Being cheated on a terrible thing for women and even men. But when a man cheats on his wife with the house help or someone close to them like her sister, is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. It can tamper with her confidence for good. A woman might live forever blaming herself that maybe she was not good enough, yet it is the man who is a terrible person.

But this is no excuse to the fatal insecurity that governs the way women run their homes. Their irrationality usually drives men nuts and men have to take extreme measures of their own lest they be mistaken to be harbouring funny thoughts towards the house helps. I know of men who limit contact with their family to the bare minimal so that they don't give their wives any reason to doubt them. Married men are not supposed to have an opinion on house helps and how they are treated in their households. Even when the wives subject them to the most inhumane working conditions, if you dare raise your voice, you will be accused instantly of sleeping with them.

I think, things can be different. It starts with women realizing that there are only two types of men in the world: those who sleeps with house helps and those who respect themselves and their marriage and will not be caught dead sleeping with the house help. There are other exceptional circumstances that may make a man sleep with the house helps. If you are married to one of those lazy wives who barely does anything in the house and you are exposed to the house help more than your wife, it predisposes you to the kind of familiarity that leads people to bed. It is no rocket sciences.

If you agree to be married as a woman, there are certain sacrifices that are expected of you. Serving your husband his meals, taking care of his wardrobe are usually non-negotiable. You don't have to do it personally, but you need to supervise everything. However busy you are and demanding your schedule, sorting out his conjugal needs can help assuage his lust and energy so that he doesn't have spare energy to fool around with.

But most married wives I know are very hostile towards their husbands for the pettiest of reasons. Most married men are always unwelcome in their homes. That is why most men spend their evening in bars. You have to be drunk or too intoxicated, in order to deal with your vexatious wife. Somehow wives think that men never have bad days in office, it is only them who deal with difficult colleagues at work. There is a fallacy that women usually give more in a marriage than men. That is BS. Men sacrifice as much as women in a marriage.

Point is, don't be the petty woman who fights the house helps over petty, non-existent things based your primordial fears. If your man is a dog is a dog, leave him, or deal with it. You don't have to be overtly insecure, just be normal, treat a house help like a human being, do your job as a wife. If the man misbehaves, cheats deal with him, not the hapless house help.

@nyanchwani

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