I got stuck with a Sh6,800 dinner bill - We wined and dined but he could not pay

Fancy an expensively dressed man, who enters an expensive hotel, perhaps with his girlfriend and orders the best wine and a treat of expensive meals.

Obviously such a person is served with some exaggerated respect from waiters who would be perhaps seeing a huge tip coming.

What if after finishing the meal, he without an iota of embarrassment, announces that he doesn't have money? Sometimes, this person may earn himself a beating or is stripped to offset the bill while in more serious cases the police would be involved.

What many people don't know is that such a behavior could be caused by grandiosity, a symptom in bipolar disorder that presents superiority and gives the victim grandeur illusions.

Vickie Wangechi, a business administration professional has had a first hand encounter with a person suffering from grandiosity and narrates the numerous episodes she got embarrassed or had to bail him out of debts.

"The man was my boyfriend and because to me he looked OK. I broke up with him on the assumption that he was just irresponsible!"

Today, Vickie regrets that had she known that this was a mental disorder, she would have sought medical assistance for him. She recalls a time when he took her for a surprise treat at an expensive hotel -where he had even reserved a table for two - yet he didn't have money, nor did he even show signs of remorse.

"At first I thought he was joking when the bill was brought and he said he didn't have money," she says. When Vickie realised that her boyfriend was serious he was not paying, being only a college girl then, she quickly mobilised her friends on phone to raise the Sh6,800 bill and was able to pay. The man got away with a simple apology.

The now career woman, who has since moved on, says that she realised much later that her boyfriend was suffering from bipolar after sharing her ordeal with friends. She recounts other ugly episodes where the man would engage in huge projects, or use his credit card for massive shopping on things he barely needed and would break into a long spell of depression when the banks or individual lenders started harassing him.

"My ex-boyfriend, though super qualified in his career, could not keep a job!" she says adding that in the one year period of their dating, he had lost six jobs! At one point without warning, Vickie recollects, the man moved to an expensive neighborhood only to be evicted after three months for lack of payment.

"It's mysterious how he got to the house without paying even for the first month!" she now muses. Vickie realized that this was more than she could handle and she quit the relationship. She later opened up to her friends who informed her that her former boyfriend may have been suffering from bipolar.

Mental experts say that it is difficult to identify a person with grandiosity symptoms because they don't look mentally challenged at all. Dr Maxwell Okonji a psychiatrist at The Nairobi hospital notes that people living with such a person are likely to notice the inconsistence in behavior first and should seek medical or psychological intervention at the soonest.

Jeff Mukua, a husband and father of three, also has had a share of life with a person with grandiosity symptoms. He says that it took him many years to realize that his wife of 13 years had bipolar. Jeff points out that his wife is very active in their church and at first he thought her generosity was genuine until she started giving out even his best suits to members of their church.

"I was fooled by her good nature because generally she's very kind hearted!" he narrated. Being a well-educated nurse, I didn't suspect anything was the matter even when she used our credit card to do lavish shopping for things we never needed. "Before I realized something was amiss, she had bought me hundreds of sweaters which I hardly put on!"

The last straw which made Jeff seek medical attention for his wife was when she paid for two air-tickets to Paris from the most expensive airline "for their vacation" before she consulted him or even applied for the visa! When he expressed his concerns to one of her colleagues, she advised him to consult a psychiatrist who confirmed his wife has bipolar.

"I stopped quarreling with her and started empathizing," he asserts. After the therapies and treatment, his wife has improved though she still gets relapses which he is able to control well.

Ann Gathuma, a life coach and relationship experts advises that spouses should be very supportive when one party has grandiosity symptoms. She notes that the victim can get into depression when they realize how carelessly they have spent money hence the other party should be there to reassure them and help in controlling situations when the victim is in the maniac mood.

She warns that people can take advantage of victims with grandiosity symptoms by taking money or property from them or even abusing them sexually. "That is why loved ones should give full support to a person with grandiosity symptoms," she counsels.

Queen Nyambura, 22, works in a cyber café and was left to pay a bill of over Sh18,000 after downloading and printing books for a smartly dressed, handsome-looking customer who had come in talking big:

"I am going to study in Australia and I would like you to download and print out ten books for me," the man had voluntarily said emphasising that the books should be in colour. Queen didn't suspect anything about him because there were other days when he would use the cyber and pay for the services. But this time, without a sign of guilt, he just said the work was very good but he didn't have the money.

Jorge* a clinician has suffered bipolar since he was in high school. He says that he has had very supportive people around him and they understand him very well. His girlfriend knows when to let him be and when to control his extreme or aggressive mood. He agrees with mental experts that he doesn't think of any repercussion when he is overspending and just believes he's doing what is best or himself.

"Nothing matters when I am in the maniac mood...I just want to do what makes me happy," he says. He however can only disclose his mental health status to close people because of the stigma attached to mental health especially in the African community.

Mental experts describe grandiosity as one among the seven symptoms of bipolar disorder though it can also present in other mental illnesses. Grandiosity patients experience delusions of grandeur and will often speak of huge projects though it's only in their minds.

Dr Maxwell Okonji notes that people suffering from this kind of disorder will often feel superior to others and are oblivious of the consequences of what they do. They can sometimes be burdensome to family and loved ones especially when they keep incurring debts.

The doctor further advises that should a person notice that their loved one is repeatedly getting into delirious grandeur, doing unnecessary massive shopping or insisting on big ideas that they may never achieve because they don't have money, then they should seek medical advice immediately before the illness gets worse.

The doctor also recommends that should a service provider have an encounter with this kind of a client who lavishly spends "money they don't have" instead of roughing them up, it's important to find out if there is a relative or friend they can reach on phone.

"You may be surprised that is not the first place they are overspending!" he says. The expert further directs that should the victim who is unaware of their state of mind be harmful to other people, or even to themselves, then people can involve the police or other authorities to facilitate their getting to a medical facility.