Why men never reveal to wives how much they earn

The Unclaimed Financial Assets Authority (UFAA) recently said at a press briefing that they have billions of shillings idle in an account at Central Bank of Kenya as unclaimed assets.

A good chunk of these assets, which include money in bank and M-Pesa accounts, yet to be cashed banker’s cheques, contents in safe deposit boxes unclaimed for years, matured life insurance policies, shares whose dividends have not been collected and many more, belong to dead men whose spouses and beneficiaries have no clue about.

The authority says it is facing the uphill task of reuniting the money with beneficiaries because the deceased kept financial information away from their spouses and beneficiaries.

Men’s fear for writing wills

Claiming such funds has also been made difficult by the fact that most Kenyans don’t write wills because of, among other reasons, superstition and myth that it’s tantamount to inviting death.

This sad state of affairs us curious. Why would a man who is in marriage, an institution in which trust is of utmost importance, keep his financial information away from his loving wife? Never mind during weddings, spouses take vows promising to ‘become one’, technically meaning they will keep no secret from one another.

There is a lot of confidential information that couples keep away from each other, but how much a man earns or his financial net worth ranks very high on the list of secrets they die with.

It’s even crazy that Kenyans demand public figures — people whose wives and children have no clue how much they are worth — to declare their wealth!

Ideally, couples should have nothing private between themselves, including their nakedness. But men, for some strange reasons, find their salaries and wealth such a top secret that no one else, even their wives should know about.

Untrustworthy, spendthrift wives

We hit the streets, seeking Kenyan’s insights on this matter and the reactions were incredible. Where women have a rough idea of how much their men earn, details about how much they make from their so-called side hustle remain a well-guarded secret.

Peter, a journalist says, rather point blank: “Things such as salary increment, bonuses and dividends are not things you tell a wife, especially if she is a housewife. Unless you want trouble.”

“Why would my woman know my financial worth? How much I am paid or make is none of her business. So long as bills in the house are paid, food bought, children and herself happy, why should she bother about my salary?” wonders James Ndung’u*, a Nairobi-based technician.

Ndung’u says his wife doesn’t know how much he makes and he is not about to let her know. He claims this helps him easily control the household budget and tame her spendthrift nature.

Unnecessary Nosiness

Hear him: “I don’t trust my wife. The moment a woman knows how much you make or your worth, she can mess you up. Some become so extravagant when they realise you make more money. Keeping it a secret enables me use “I’m broke” excuse whenever she intends to incur unnecessary expenditure or those she can’t justify.”

“This helps me to plan because if she knows my worth, chances are she will attempt to keep up with the Joneses, a major weakness she has. The sad bit is that she is a housewife, yet she is always itching to shop and spend cash.”

Jane, a business woman in Nairobi and a mother of two, does not know her husband’s worth or even how much he earns in a month.

“My husband is a doctor at a private hospital. He provides for both myself and my children, I cannot complain. Interesting thing is that whenever I try to find out how much he earns he brushes me off, claiming that I am being nosy.

I was very curious about it six years back, just before we got married. He always dismissed the topic, saying it should not bother me, so long as family is well taken care of. I gave up. So whenever I need money, I ask him and he gives me. But I have no direct access to his money,” states Jane.

Jane believes this secrecy is a big hindrance for her to participate in planning for their family’s future.

“Planning for future becomes very difficult. I’m unable to help my family as I would like. I recall late 2011 my sister had an emergency and desperately needed refundable cash. But when I asked him for it, he claimed he was broke. Annoyingly, early the following year, he bought a brand new car. I suspect he could be buying property behind my back, but I have no way of finding out. But what is a wife to do in such a situation?” she wonders.

Joint bank account joke

Maureen, a nurse married to a lecturer, claims five years since she settled down, she has tried in vain to convince her husband to open a joint bank account.

“I have tried everything to make him disclose how much he makes, but we always ended up getting into an argument. I even showed him my payslip, but he has never shown me his. He says his salary is his pride and thus confidential information. He always says having a joint bank account is pushing a joke too far. All I know is that apart from official employment, he has a number of part-time teaching jobs,” complains Maureen.

However, she claims she stumbled on his pay slip a while back, but believes that constitutes just a fraction of how much he makes collectively.

Tales have been told of women who learn about their husbands’ newly-acquired property by accident. For instance, a hairdresser told this writer a story of how she stumbled on ownership documents of a house her husband of nine years bought and rented out without her knowledge.

Secretly bought property

“I found a title deed for property he had bought two years ago and rented out. Men can be silly at times. We settled the matter, but there could be others.”

“I mean, so what happens when something happens to such a man? You can imagine the confusion if he, God forbid, could have died without me knowing he had such property?” she asked.

Notably while most women will reiterate the importance of couples sharing financial information, a good number of men seem to stand by their opinion that a man’s money and worth is his business.

Maurice Kibet a pharmacist believes it is necessary for married couples to have some privacy with their finances.

“How will it help her to know how much her husband earns, anyway? What I make with my own sweat is mine to decide how and when to spend,” fumes Kibet.

Dangers of revealing net worth to wife

He adds: “It is dangerous to let a woman know your real worth. There are women who get in marriages with tycoons to make money and get property. The moment they know how much you are worth, they will even force a divorce so as to fleece you. Some steal from husbands and stash it in secret bank accounts. Others will even kill you to enjoy your wealth with their secret lovers. Clever men never reveal their worth to their wives.”

Eugene Ondwaso, a businessman who belongs to Kibet’s school of thought, believes when men hide their financial status it is all about self-preservation.

Hear him: “You just can’t tell the intentions of most women nowadays. Some are crooks and if you disclose too much you will lose a lot in case of a divorce.”