Fussy wives and expensive shirts

A few days ago, I went to buy my father a gift for his 70th birthday. I asked the sales lady to show me the most expensive and presentable shirt for a very special man for a remarkable event.

As she showed me the varieties she was selling, she said something remarkable. "You know, we feel good when wives buy their husbands really good and expensive shirts," she said calmly. I didn't correct her that I was not buying my husband a gift but my dad.

"I feel like screaming when wives come here with their husbands and, with long faces and longer noses, say everything is too expensive to buy. Yet, the same man will come with a girlfriend who will liberally pick for him shirts without checking or asking about the price. The man will gladly pay for every shirt picked by this woman without hesitation because she tells him that each of the shirts make him 'as handsome as a prince'," she said to me.

After such shopping spree, how much money do you think the man gives this other lady? As much as she will want and more, says the sales lady.

What this means, explained the sales lady, is that wives are clueless when it comes to finances and their men. While a man uses his money to impress people around him, a woman calculates the expenditure to every cent. She will know which account to take money from for a certain purpose and plan how to replenish it. The man on the other hand will just spend without thinking of the project that will 'suffer' as a result of his impulsive spending and think of the consequences later if at all.

Men are from a different planet and women should not try to make them adopt the woman's way of financial planning.

Therefore, understand that a man will spend his money on others even if he has a pressing financial issue at home. He can contribute all money at a harambee even if that money was meant for his child's school fees.

Like the sales lady advises, let him be the man he wants to be. Since you cannot control his budgeting, accept his way of doing things but find a way into being part of the budget.

Since he will spend the money out there anyway, just make sure he spends it also on himself as well as you and your children. Let him buy that good shirt and expensive shoes. Give him a list of what you want him to buy the children too. Many men want to be instructed. Unfortunately, women wait for him to read their minds. "Doesn't he know that we need a new microwave?"

No, he doesn't. You must tell him what you need him to buy. Give the man the route plan; where you are going as a family in terms of development. If you do not do this, you will lead your family like a rudderless ship.

Then you will be left worried and angry about your man, giving you unnecessary anxiety and even ulcers. Many unions have collapsed because couples did not understand this important fact of their being distinct, like day and night, when it comes to handling financial matters.

A friend tells me she found out that the best way to handle her husband's extravagance was to ensure his money was committed. She encouraged him to take mortgage and undertake other development projects that involved lots of money.

"While he felt 'useful', I was also happy that we were progressing as a family. I am also very happy because where all that money was going to before has been dried up."