Rogue Men..Fetish Much?!

I have been dating this guy for a year but he is not treating me right. He is usually rude to me especially when we argue and sometimes he even calls me names. He is also really jealous of my friends and even prevents me from meeting them saying that they influence me to leave him or not to cater for him. He says that he loves me even though he regularly abuses me emotionally. I keep forgiving him for the way he treats me but he will not change. When we fight, he always comes back crying for me to forgive him. If anything things only gets worse by the day. I love him but I am really hurt emotionally and don’t know what to do. Please advise me. {Rose}

Your Take:

Now that your boyfriend is insulting you when you are dating what will happen when he marries you. He does not seem to love you and it is possible that he has other women in his life.

You are putting your life in danger. Try and find out his background from his family and friends.

He may also be using or abusing drugs. You had better look for another man as this one is only going to hurt you eventually. Life is no rehearsal.  

{Onyango Outha}

Your heart is not made of steel to be constantly abused and one year down the line is enough to read the signs in a relationship.

Yes, a real man argues on issues but he often respects and understands the person he has fallen in love with.

He is only keeping you from your friends because he wants to exploit your weaknesses. Think wisely and use your brain. 

 {Brian Mangala}

You are not sure what you want. I think you are blindfolded by love that you cannot see that this relationship is bad for you.

Wake up from your slumber and see the light. Your guy is not emotionally mature and that’s why he does not know how to deal with you emotionally.

He also seems to be insecure about your friends as they may help you get out of the relationship. You are the one who is allowing him to treat you like this.

Talk to him and put some boundaries across. It is never too late to discuss issues and set new rules.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Where there is smoke there is fire. He cannot just be rude or mistreat you without you having done something wrong.

 You have been dating him for a year and you should know by now what he likes and doesn’t like. If you go by his ways, he would not be doing this to you.

 Get him to tell you why he does not like your friends and are your feelings with him and make it clear that if this goes on then you will not stay in the relationship.  

{Fred Jausenge}

Counsellor’s Take:

Violence manifests itself in many ways the most pertinent of which are physical, emotional and sexual.

It is in most instances sequential often starting out as minor incidences and graduating into unimaginable levels.

Even the crudest forms of violence e.g. cold blooded murder and others start as simple insults graduate to physical fights and eventually escalate to such inhumane acts.

As a matter of principle, any form of violence is unacceptable and especially so when it is between people who are in a relationship.

 When the minor incidences eventually escalate to the ultimate levels, people realize that there were signs all along the way and that if one was keen enough they would have picked up the clues and done something to prevent the unfortunate incidences.

It is about time you either discussed this issue with him or actually took action on the matter. Discussing with him would be the most diplomatic but may not be the most effective way to handle the issue.

Taking action may constitute many things which may include and should not be limited to leaving. You only remain in a relationship in which you feel safe and fulfilled and this relationship doesn’t seem to be doing this for you.

 If anything, it seems to be emotionally draining and I can tell you for a fact that the violence will not only remain to be emotional but will eventually become physical sometimes with irreparable damages.

This seems to be his character and personality and it is in very few instances that these get to change. Yes, he will always come back crying asking for forgiveness but you see the damage is usually already done.

Emotional violence is extremely bad because it robs you of the most important aspect of every human being i.e. your self-worth.

In addition to this, he is trying to cut you off from your friends so that he can be your only source of solace.

This will effectively give him a lot of room to abuse and manipulate you thereby putting you in a vulnerable position.

If you remain in this relationship, one year from now you will write to us again probably from a hospital bed if you will be fortunate enough to survive.

There is no justifiable excuse in this world for staying in an abusive relationship.  

{Taurus}