The crazy season in our office is almost over and I plan to go on leave soon. My plan is to go for a one-week vacation in Mombasa. Solo. But my dear husband will hear none of it.
“How can you go for a holiday alone without me and the kids? It is either all or none of us?” my husband declared when I told him of my plans.
“What is wrong with me going for a holiday by myself? I just want to relax and have quiet time alone. You and the children will be an unnecessary distraction. I just need some me time,” I tried to plead my case.
And my hubby stood his ground.
“No you are not going and that is final. You are a married woman and there is no way you can go to Mombasa alone. What message are you sending?,” he closed the case with that tone of “I am the head of this house and my word is final”.
Having been married from some solid years I know better that when a man unleashes that card, the answer is not to throw another Miss Independent salvo, but play timid. It is called submission. And there lies the secret to a long lasting and prosperous marriage. That’s a lesson for another day.
So that is how my planned solo vacation was frozen even before it started. But the issue has really been bothering me. Just what is wrong or rather (sinister) with a married woman going for a vacation without her husband?
The issue troubled me so much; I posted it one on a Facebook page for level headed women to seek their wise counsel. My post generated a heated debate.
“No my dear you cannot go alone. What if the hyenas start hitting on you? Your hubby needs to be there to shield you from such lustful eyes,” said one Njambi.
“But those same hyenas can hit on you even in church or in a matatu while you are seated next to your dear hubby and you will fall into their trap if you have no values. The hyenas are everywhere...” reckoned the wise Wanja.
“Ladies let’s be honest and real. There is nothing wrong with a married woman going solo on a vacation. If your man refuses, he has insecurities and he should deal with it. Sometimes a woman just wants to be by herself so that she can reflect and replenish her energies. No ulterior motive,” Mary offered.
“Madam Mary tell that to the birds. Such a woman has a hidden agenda. The moment she said “I do”, it came with a price and one of it is that she will go everywhere with her baggage,” declared Janet.
And the discussion went on and on. But I still insist once in a while a married woman deserves a vacation alone, and when she comes back she will perform her duties as a mother, wife and employee more effectively. I rest my case.
The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-school girl. She shares her experience of juggling between career, family and social life.
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