I want to quit my job like yesterday, but...

As a working mum, there come seasons when I just want to quit my job and be a happy stay-at-home mother. Such desires are usually reignited when I am going through periods of high stress and pressure at work. For instance, now there is so much demand at work because we are expecting auditors.

There are reports to be prepared and deadlines to be met, I feel like I am rarely at home. And it is a cycle. Every year around this time, it gets so overwhelming that I feel like leaving this job to go take care of my two precious children. Such times, I feel like my work is mundane, demanding and unrewarding. These are the times, my kids rarely see me and they start calling me ‘aunty’.

On several occasions, I have been tempted to walk away from the stress and go start my own thing. Maybe an online business? Right now I am so stressed, I am really toying with the idea of drafting a resignation letter, marching with it to HR office and walking to freedom. But I can’t. Why? Today I will share those fears holding me back:

If the business fails?: I have this grand plan of starting an online clothes and accessories business. It is a viable idea and I know mamas surviving through such, but my greatest fear is that what if it does not pick? What next?

One income is not enough: Though I do not earn much, my small ‘salo’ complements my husband’s and that way we are able to lead a decent and comfortable life. Then again, two incomes allow a family to have extra disposable income. I feel one income will mean a smaller house, smaller car and public school for the kids. Yes that’s how the middle class view realities.

What about my self-worth?: Will I lose my identity and social standing among my peers? For some reason, people hold a certain respect for you because of the job you have.

So without that stable job, will my friends and relatives still regard me with respect or they will start avoiding me because they know my worth has reduced? I am constantly reminded of the PS who shared a story of how people stopped picking his calls when he left civil service.

What was the point of going to school?: I have this fear that when I quit, I will be bombarded with questions like so what was the point of going all the way up to university only to end up playing with children the whole day?

What if?: But the greatest fear that stops me from taking the big dive is what if (God forbid) tragedy happens and my hubby is no more. The fear is so real because I know a friend, who quit her well-paying job to take care of her young family, then unfortunately hubby passed on and she was forced to go back to formal employment. The desire is there, but the fears are real. But one day... I will conquer my fears.

The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-school girl. She shares her experience of juggling between career, family and social life.