What do I do to match my husband's high desire for sex?

What do I do to match my husband's high libido?

I am married to a very nice man who takes good care of me. He loves me and I also love him very much. However, he has a big weakness with his desire for sex. Whenever we go to bed, he wants to have sex and for him it does not matter whether I am in the mood or not. When I am not ready or nearing my periods, I try to make him understand but he almost always goes beyond reason and forces himself on me. Every time this happens I am left feeling used and abused. I know it is my duty to satisfy his sexual needs but I don't like the fact that he doesn't care whether I want it or not. Now I no longer enjoy sex. Please advise me. I have nobody to talk to about this issue.

{Winnie*}

Your take:

Sex is in the mind and the body only completes it. It is possible he does not trust that you are honest with him and that would be your first step; let him know that you are sincere. Next, you have known his desire therefore you have the option of adjusting to it. He just loves you and would rather force you than opt for sex outside marriage and risk your lives. Be very calm and talk to him into seeing the sense in what you are saying then you also psychologically adjust to his demands and you will be home and dry.

{Tasma Charles}

Sex is one of the critical things in a marriage. It could be that he does not treat you well in bed that is why many times you are not in the mood. If this continues, he may be tempted to go outside and look for alternatives. Talk to him about this and be there for each other.

{Mutai Michael}

You may be having a problem with the way he treats you. When a woman is not feeling loved and appreciated, they begin to let go slowly. Love is all about adding ingredients to make it sweet. So if he does not treat you right then some things like sexual desire will automatically disappear and you may start getting attracted to someone else.

{Hellen Achiando}

He needs to know that just because he married you does not mean that he has the right to use you as a sex object. There will be times you will not be in the mood and there are times you will want to be with him. However, it is important to balance between your feelings and his needs as a man. It is not fair to always deny him his rights just because you are never in the mood.

{Salome Wanjau}

Counselor’s take:

This is a complex issue and truth be told many households have this very problem. Essentially, the sexual needs and desires are somewhat different between males and females across the animal kingdom. In most instances, males will want to have as much sex as possible. This explains why men are more susceptible to frequent incidences of casual sex compared to women. For them, it is more about quantity. This is not to say that women do not like a lot of sex but for them the greater emphasis is on meaning and value. For instance, a woman will refuse to her mans sexual advances because she is mad at him for something while he on the other side will actually want to have it under the circumstances to ascertain dominance over his woman.

However, these differences should not lead to the conclusion that men should always get sex whenever they want it. In a marriage, the issue of sex changes from just being about sex to being about intimacy. In a marriage, people want to connect and have meaningful intimacy. This cannot happen if one of the parties wants to have things his way. This is where both parties need to understand and appreciate each other's needs and desires. The primary difference when it comes to issues about sex is that men want quantity while women prefer and crave for quality.

Quality means understanding the other person's needs and putting their interests and desires before yours. A caring man ought to understand that there are times when his woman will want and crave for sex and there are times she will want absolutely nothing to do with it. What makes this hard to understand is that sexual needs for men are set on a straight line (usually on the higher side) while for women they take the shape of a rugged curve. Men who want to have sex with their women every day of the week do not know the meaning of intimacy. That only totals having sex and has nothing to do with making love. On the other hand, as a woman you ought to understand that men have a high appetite for sex therefore you should put that into consideration to ensure that the in between periods are not too long lest he seeks an easy alternative.

You are indeed justified to feel used and abused when he forces himself on you. This is a violation of your feelings and it displays an absolute lack of respect and concern for you. This can only be sorted out between the two of you. He would feel violated if you shared this with someone else. I hope you identify with and have enough ground to carefully argue out your case to him. Handle him with respect and care and he will play along to your every tune.

{Taurus}