I don't know why I've cheated on my lovely new boyfriend

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for three months and in that time we’ve become so close. We even talk about our future and have booked a holiday together.

Recently, though, I kissed another man when I was drunk on a night out with work friends, but I stopped it before it went any further.

Then at the weekend I was out again and ended up going home with the same man and sleeping with him.

My boyfriend has noticed that I’ve been different with him and he can tell I’m not myself. I avoid seeing him and I’m feeling really guilty.

I don’t want to ruin things with him, but feel like this is coming between us. I’m almost certain that if I told him it would be over and, even if it wasn’t, I would be worried in case he felt he had a pass to do the same thing to me.

Coleen says

OK, so the first time you had a drunken snog and didn’t take it further, but what’s your excuse for going on to sleep with this man?

I always say that once is a mistake, but twice is a choice. And if it’s not, then you have to look at how much you’re drinking if it’s affecting your choices.

As much as you like your boyfriend, maybe this is a signal that deep down you don’t care for him as much as you think you do. Maybe you do want a serious relationship, but he might not be the one.

You could confess it to him and get rid of the guilt that’s eating away at you by making it his issue to decide on, but you have to accept the consequences – one being he might dump you.

In my opinion, you need to put some space between you for a while. Tell him you’re not yourself and need some time to think things over.

Cheating after just three months is not a great sign of a relationship that’s going to last.