My mum hates me, prefers my step brother

This week’s topic

I am 19 years and have a step brother who is 12. We live with mum and step dad. Even though we all love each other, I have come to learn that my mum loves my brother more than me. In fact, I think she hates me. She is always nice to him, but many time mean to me, and ignores me.

My step dad is a good man and he loves us equally, but I don’t understand why she always treats me badly. I want to tell my dad about this, but don’t know what will happen after that. Please advise me. 

{Daniel}

Your take

It is sad when your maternal mother denies you the love and affection you so much deserve. However, take note that this could be an assumption on your side not really a reality. This may also call for you to reflect on your past to see if you could have behaved in a manner likely to drive her to act as such. Parents tend to have a soft spot for children who are loyal, obedient and well-behaved so check where you went wrong.

{Steven Ouma}

Daniel, you have a right to be happy and to be accepted; more so in the family set up. Confront her in a soft way and ask why she treats you badly. If she does not respond well, raise the issue when you are together as a family, especially during meal times and see her response.

{Anonymous}

Your mother may be paying more attention to your brother because he is younger than you. This is natural. Rest assured your mother loves you. However, if you feel that this is too much to bear, have a one on one with her.

{Mbarak Rajab, Lahore}

This may just be a figment of your imagination. However, try and find out what your brother does to win her heart and you may see what you do wrong. Re-examine your past but also talk to a church minister for counselling. Remain positive about everything.

{Tasma Charles}

This may be just an assumption on your part. Your mother loves both of you equally but do not expect her to treat you and the young boy the same way. He is only 12 and you are 19 — an adult.

{Gilbert Tangatt}

Your mum is protecting her marriage. Being your mother, she would never hate you, but may do this to protect her marriage. You are an adult now and you should start thinking about living on your own.

{Onyango Outha – jauduny}

Your mother is trying to seek the approval of her husband through his son. Don’t think she hates you. Tell her how you feel about this.

{Miriam Muchiri}

Whatever you are facing is tricky. You need some wisdom to handle it. Talk to a pastor about it and ask him to pray with you for some direction. God is able to convict your mum and restore her love back.

{Philip Mulandi}

Counsellor’s take

Daniel, it is somewhat common and only natural for a woman who gets married to a man while already having another man’s child, to show more affection to the ‘current man’s’ children.

While it may not be the right way to do things, she is only working to protect her marriage. Subconsciously, she assumes that by so doing, she will gain his trust and favour but this is to your detriment. You are justified to feel that way but sometimes we have to take nature by its stride.

It will be a big plus if she loved both of you equally, but owing to the circumstance, she is forced to act different.

Sometimes we should just accept the situations we cannot change. Talking to her about this will only get her on the defensive and may thus not help much. Accept the situation as it is so that you get less frustrated by it.

Nature will find a way to make up for the love you lost in other ways. Finally, correction, she does not hate you, rather, she only shows more affection to your brother for obvious reasons. {Taurus}

In the next issue:

I have been dating this guy for  two years and we now plan to formalise our relationship. However, I am worried about his flirtatious nature. He flirts with everyone including my girlfriends. He even tried to hit on my sister once and although she did not give in to his demands, I could not help but wonder what would have happened if she did. This habit annoys me but I avoid raising it with him because I may come across as insecure. I love him but I am not sure I can trust him fully. Please help.

{Silvia}

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