It's our time to be Barbie dolls

As the real housewives of Komayole, we demand for an exchange programme with our counterparts in Kitusuru and its environs.  What is that thing you live with in your houses again? I heard someone call it Chihuahua. We would like to understand you because we sail in the same ‘housewife’ boat yet it looks like we row the boat and you just sit there and wait for it to dock. Do you want to understand us as well? Oops, I almost forgot that we are demanding and not requesting. So can the ‘Barbie dolls’ just pack their bags…sorry, suitcases as we set the date!

We are meant to understand that the first thing you do when you wake up is run around your ‘state of the art’ homes to keep fit. Seriously, is that the only chance you get to run? Is that the last thing on your mind before you go to bed such that you do it so religiously very early in the morning? If running keeps you fit then we are the fittest! We basically run throughout, even while alighting from matatus because they strictly stop for 30 seconds for both who want to alight or board.

This reminds me, let me put this clear, if you do not know how to jump on or from a moving object, you better start practicing now using your horses. Don’t give me that look, I am sure you have horses, those ones we see you enroll at Ngong racecourse for training. Oooh, and medical covers too, just in case you fall into your swimming pool as you try jumping off your horse.

We on this end are trying hard to make your stay in our homes comfortable. So far, we have done the greatest thing, bought a remote for the television.  You see in our houses, everything is near you, you do not even have to use the remote to change the channel. When you are seated in the bedroom, you can reach for anything in the kitchen or the living room.  Before I forget, the bathroom is outside and you can only take a bath either very early or late at night, which is the only time it is free because it becomes a paraffin shop during the day. The bulb, oh yes, there is no bulb in the bathroom, so anytime you go to take a shower, apart from the water and soap, carry a bulb as well.

Barbie dolls, someone said you have to go to the gym every evening to bring the sexy back. No worries, carrying ten jerricans of water every evening to sixth floor is gym enough. Imagine you do that so perfectly with no instructor and at no cost. By the way, this programme is to help you, not us. Do you realise how sexy you will be after the programme? It is only for three weeks. We also want to know how it feels like to buy groceries online.

Now, to the most important part, your husbands. Kindly tell them to leave their managerial skills at the gate with the gateman anytime they come back home. We will not serve as their external memory because of their busy schedule. You must be ready on the other end though, our husbands are servants during the day and kings at night. All we can do is wish you well as we hope your medical covers include maternity fees. Please don’t make us share the little he brings home.

Are your bags packed yet? We, the real housewives of Komayole are aboard fleet of buses Forward Travellers as we keenly read the recently signed Marriage Bill smiling. Please don’t act blonde, you know the part we are reading. Why else did you think we planned the exchange programme? Did you seriously think we did all this just to go there for three weeks? Kitusuru and its environs, here we come!