Dealing with your child's fears

Fears usually emerge around the age of two years when a child has a greater understanding and awareness of the world around her. However, her understanding is not developed to the point that she can explain everything that goes on.

So, for example, a toddler knows that birds fly because she sees it happening quite regularly.

 But she doesn’t know that a bird will not eat her. Therefore, she may be afraid. If your child is worried by something that is apparently irrational, she needs your reassurance.

Talking carelessly

Parents can arouse fears in young children by talking carelessly in their presence. True, your child needs to be made aware of the routine hazards of domestic life. For instance, one can fall down the stairs.

But they have to be kept in perspective. Continual reminders of what could happen may make your child afraid rather than cautious, and that is not the aim of safety warnings.

Fears are sometimes used as a threat to a child to make her behave properly. Parents are often tempted to resort to this strategy when all else fails. For instance, dad takes his four-year-old to a children’s party but when they arrive, the child will not let go of dad’s hand.

 She pleads with her father to stay a few moments longer, and in a fit of embarrassed rage — because somehow other children are settled — dad warns: “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to leave you right now.” This only heightens the child’s anxiety. Such threats that play on a young child’s weakness, are only likely to make the weakness greater.

Always take your child’s fear seriously, no matter how ridiculous it may appear. What may seem a minor obstacle to you may seem like a mountain through her eyes. Never also try to bully her out of her fear. Comments like, “Act your age” or “You’re behaving like a little baby” will only heighten her agitation.

Reassurance

Adopt a planned approach to helping her. First of all, ascertain exactly what it is she is afraid of. For example, a child who becomes anxious when approaching the bathroom may be apprehensive about any one of a number of things. She could be afraid of falling into the toilet bowl or the smell when toileting.

Ask her what frightens her. You may not get a direct answer, but eventually, by breaking down the frightening event into small components, you will establish more precisely the area of concern.

Show her that she can manage, that she doesn’t really have any reason to be afraid. For instance, she may be afraid of thunder because she thinks it will make the house fall down. You can reassure her that the house can’t be damaged by noise, and demonstrate this by turning your television, radio and stereo system on full for a few seconds.

Give her lots of encouragement when she takes a step towards overcoming her fears. Constant praise from you, coupled with your frequent reassurance that she will be safe is an effective way of boosting her self-confidence.