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Move aside marriage, World Cup is here

Living

Once every four years, many women are temporarily ‘widowed’ for more than month as their spouses relocate to pubs and football clubs to watch the World Cup.

That time is here once again and die-hard fans, mostly men, are getting ready to speak, eat and live football, leaving their wives to eat, speak and live alone.

In Kenya, football is known to take over the lives of its fans and the game has grown to be a major social pastime for many middle-class people. This is clearly evidenced by the enthusiasm among fans of European and Spanish premier leagues.

The downside of this addictive pastime is that it often leads to the disintegration of many relationships and marriages.

Sorry Dear, No plans

The first sign that a man is a diehard football supporter is his reluctance to make any plans for any day without considering the hour of a particular match. Many women often miss this obvious sign and only discover that football is their spouse’s first love when the penalty and red card talk goes on until early evening. Not even the dinner she prepares is enough distraction, as it is cleared just in time to settle on the sofa for match of the day (read night).

This may seem harmless at first, but it shouldn’t be underestimated, as it’s clearly the first step on the road to football widowhood. Women who have experienced this before dread the month of June.

“My husband is a sports fanatic and it’s destroying our marriage,” says Gloria Chebet, 38, an administrative assistant in Nairobi who has been married for ten years.

 “Every night, he flops on the sofa, flips on the TV, and watches a game until bedtime. I’m not sure what will happen next month. I’m even considering moving back to my mother’s house until the World Cup is over. I can’t stand the obscenities he screams if the referee makes a bad call, the crazy dancing and jumping around the living room if his team scores, and calls to and from his friends to rant and rave in the course of the game,” she adds.

 Before long, Gloria’s husband, like many others, will get bored of watching the matches alone in the house, which is worsened by the fighting for the remote control with their wives. He will then decide that instead of sticking to ‘Team Indoors’, it would be a great idea to actually launch a supporters’ club at the bar. This will all be done without any consultation and before the unsuspecting girlfriend/wife knows, her man will be out every night and will only show up way past midnight.

Very soon, the only possible Saturday night outing with the wife will be with the boys in front of a large screen showing the match of the day.

Those lucky enough to afford the trip to Brazil will most probably opt to leave the distractions (wives) behind to give them freedom to enjoy the exotic Samba girls. Some have already announced their intentions and begged for ‘me time’ for one month.

It’s either football or football

KTN’s deputy sports editor Hassan Jumaa considers football his first love, and if his World Cup accreditation is approved, Hassan will be headed to Brazil alone.

“I’m lucky to be single this season because for me it’s either football or football! I’m paid to do this and I expect my partner to understand,” says Hassan.

The irony of the matter is that even though some men love and even immerse themselves in the game, they wouldn’t want their partners to do the same.

“I don’t like women who are really into football. A little is okay but a fanatic does not work for me. A while ago, I broke up with a woman when Manchester United lost. We were in a foul mood, which extended to our relationship,” he says.

Female fanatics

Some women have been accused of faking their love for the game so that they can meet eligible bachelors in sports clubs. For other women, however, their love for football is true and sometimes runs deeper than that of their male counterparts.

“I broke up with my second boyfriend in campus because he was not a football fan and did not understand how I could go out with my male friends to watch football matches that ran late into the night,” says Rose Kinyua, a production assistant in Nairobi.

Rose says since then, she has been categorical that anyone who intends to get into a relationship with her needs to have a similar passion for football.

“That way, I avoid friction in the future because men can get very insecure when you are constantly hanging out with other men in the club even if nothing is happening,” she states.

Shared Love for Football

However, not all couples will be fighting for the remote this World Cup season.

Carol Radul and her husband Mike Njiru are both football fans. In 2010, the sports fanatics went down to South Africa to watch the World Cup together.

“We paid for all our expenses. However, if I get accreditations for this year’s World Cup, I will leave him behind because I don’t like distractions when I’m working. Luckily, he understands,” Radul says.

The couple is so into football that when Mike asked for Radul’s hand in marriage her father questioned his football support in the Premier League.

“My father wanted to know whether he supports Arsenal, as he feared for constant fights in our marriage if he did not,” Radul jokingly said.

Football widows and widowers survival tips

As World Cup season approaches, there will be more football widows and widowers. What to do?

Dr Chris Hart, a relationship expert says: “Football’s a great game, but the fact is that the World Cup can put a real strain on a relationship. Couples should devise survival strategies; otherwise, the relationship will be strained.”

He advises:  “Start by remembering that it is only for a month, once every four years! If you have a partner who is consumed by the games, at least be grateful that he hasn’t re-mortgaged the house and used all your savings to go to Brazil and watch the matches live.”

Hart advises the affected parties to try and act involved.

“Go through the fixture list with him and create a diary. That way, you can monitor when the matches are scheduled and fix your ‘us time’.  By the way, when he is too engaged, you can request him to allow you to go for a night out with the girls instead of being bored in the house.  Make sure the fridge is stocked with his favourite drinks and snacks so that he won’t even notice when you come back late.

If his favourite team loses a match and he’s in a foul mood, remember it’s not personal and just give him some time to recover.

“When you do all that, he’ll love you to bits and will tell his friends what a treasure you are. Hang in there.”

What about competing TV interests like soaps?

Counselling psychologist Sammy Njayakio says wisdom is key.

 “There are instances when the man wants to watch a game but at the same time, the woman wants to catch up on her favourite soap. In such incidences, it’s all about making compromises and sacrifices for the sake of the relationship”.

Njayakio advises couples to tread carefully during this period because conflict can lead to separation and in worst-case scenario divorce.

“A couple should realise that there is life after the match. Much as the fanatic would want to stay glued to the TV throughout, he or she should realise their partner needs them. So there is need to set aside time for your partner,” he says.

Photo: www.singleblackmale.org

 

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