Fashion blunders that drive men nuts

Nairobian women are not famous for their fashion tastes. In that department, women score a weak C according to this very objective examiner.

 We have big-bodied women who are under-dressed and small-bodied women who are overdressed. Coming across a woman who dresses her body according to her size, age and class is an exception rather than the norm.

However, thank God leggings or tights are finally fizzling away. That was easily the biggest fashion faux pas of the millennium ever since women walked around in villages with petticoats showing beneath their translucent skirts, showing through their skirts’ hemline.  

 Rather infuriatingly, as men we don’t have a right to comment on the sartorial blunders of our wives or girlfriends. If you dare comment on the negative, she will not talk to you for 48 hours. Yet, they keep driving us nuts every day.

 Where do women get leopard coloured pants from? They are cheesy. More apt for a performance in a circus than for walking around on an innocent Tuesday morning. And who the hell designs those tarmac-breaking shoes that look like they have wooden soles. They are hideously monstrous. And shady. 

 Speaking of shoes, some of the high heels being worn around are stratospherically high for any desirable comfort and not worth the pain they wreak on women. For all the mythical significance women have given shoes, those long high heels are unacceptable. Nothing evokes sympathy in men than a woman struggling with abnormal high heels dressed in a shorter and tighter skirt.

  Leggy women in miniskirts can remind one the beauty of life and maybe postpone a suicide date or better still, convert a gay brother, but we still need rules.  There ought to be a law against bad legs getting ungainly exposure. By bad, I mean those that are bean-stalk thin, spotty, or with that hideous skwembe. Hide them in good pants or long skirts. It is not too much to ask.

  And there is the cleavage overkill. Incidentally, women with the most promising bosoms don’t walk around forcing their cleavage on us. And those whose bosom has given way to gravity are quite insistent that men must get a view of their twin pleasure. If only they knew.

 And is it just me, or any denim jeans other than blue and its shades or black and its shades is too much? I mean red, green, and yellow jeans pants are monstrous when worn by either sex. It betrays the wearer’s self-esteem.

 Clothes that tightly hug women’s bodies only attend to the lustful needs of men. And badly dressed women only attract bad men. Men are picky. Men actually interpret the way women dress sexually. How you dress determines the length of the relationship. Women know this.

 The scantier the dressing, the shorter the relationship. I am not advocating for prudery. But women need to respect their ages, bodies and class. Whatever mirrors women use in the morning, probably they lie to them. It is bad when an intelligent woman is dismissed purely on the basis what she has on. 

@nyanchwani

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