Recently, I was on a TV programme discussing an interesting topic — what do men want in a relationship? We had overwhelming feedback from the viewers and it was enlightening. I decided to focus my discussion this week on this important subject.
From the responses, I concluded that number one need for men is respect, respect, respect and respect.
I repeated it four times to emphasise its importance. Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate.
Men appreciate admiration and recognition of their status in the family. Everything else stems from respect.
A man does not want to be dominated by a woman, regardless of his social and economic status. When this happens, it affects his ego and he is likely to withdraw, becoming less engaged in the home. Ever wondered why he has kept a low profile? He is avoiding conflict as a result of this engagement. A man does not want to be belittled or criticised but wants to be treated with dignity and honour.
Loyalty cannot be over emphasised. It is crucial and important to men, as they desire a woman of integrity and commitment to the relationship. Honesty, openness and unconditional acceptance are also important to men.
Male callers in the show said they wanted a woman who openly and confidently asks for what she needs, and not assume that he should know.
They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is in kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical.
“Women are complicated enough. Make it simple for me by breaking it down. I am here for you, what do you want me to do?”
I need you
Men want secure and confident women who are passionate about life and are self-sufficient. They do not want manipulation nor do they want assumptions, as they cannot interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to engage intimately in relationships than they desire, preferring to work at their own pace.
Men want to be needed, involved and yet independent. They appreciate a woman who is also independent and have her own interests, but loyal to the man and the home.
Food is fundamental to many men, as the saying goes, “You can get to the heart of a man through the stomach.”
Men appreciate a good meal cooked by their partner. Acts of service is a big one and many men appreciate this as sign of love. Beyond a good meal, ensure his clothes are well cleaned and ironed, that you keep a tidy, neat and clean house. If you have children, be a good mother and keep them neat and clean.
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No roaming eye
Fidelity is an absolute requirement. A man wants a woman who does not have a ‘roaming eye’ and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Men define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship, regardless of the rough patches that it may be going through.
For most men, sex is important and his expectation is that his partner will be creative and make it happen.
Some gymnastics are welcome. Ignoring this can be detrimental to the relationship because his needs could cause him to find other means for gratification. Remember he wants to be wanted and appreciated.
The writer is a relationship coach and author of ‘Marriage Built to Last’. You can reach her on: www.jenniekarina.co.ke
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