We spend so much time yearning and searching for love, hoping to be loved in a very intimate and special way. Sometimes one feels empty and lost in the search of this fleeting love.
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If there is one thing that life has taught me about relationships, it is valuing and enjoying a relationship with oneself before setting out on a relational journey with others.
It is essential to have a solid foundation of knowing and understanding “you”, your values, beliefs, traditions, desires, even fantasies, acknowledging what matters most to you and what you stand for.
“Love yourself first, and everything else falls into place.” This statement is absolutely true! Loving yourself first is taking responsibility and it simply means that you appreciate your self worth so that you avoid being needy and dependent on others to give “you” self worth.
Loving yourself is about showing yourself some self-respect, create and nurture love in your own life to share with others.
Acknowledge your own strengths and weaknesses, and failures, joys and pains and be in control without necessarily blaming others or expecting them to take responsibility for providing you happiness. You also need to take responsibility of your physical, emotional and spiritual life.
It is not uncommon to be a victim of not loving “self”. Many times, people find it difficult to love and care for themselves because it feels selfish and they feel incapable of showing any care or self-love.
It is also as a result of experiences, particularly in early childhood where they probably did not experience love and never felt valued. This can also be the case when one has been in an abusive relationship. When expected love is not received, it can be disappointing and sometimes it can even be devastating.
How to work on increasing self-worth and loving “Me”
1.Fall in love with yourself. Learn to love yourself, acknowledge your weaknesses and find ways of working on them. Nobody is perfect; we are all continually working towards perfection.
2.Recognise your strengths and use them at every possible opportunity.
3.Affirm yourself on a daily basis, and if necessary keep a journal of your daily affirmations.
4.Be gentle to yourself. When you remain gentle, sensitive and kind to yourself, you grow not only in loving you, but also in the way you relate with others.
5. Eliminate self-criticism. Are you always putting yourself down, it’s time to stop and begin to have some self-talk on a positive note. Learn to trust yourself and confidence will be your portion.
6.Forgive yourself. Many times there are things we all regret, sometimes engulfed with feelings of shame, guilt and anger; it is time to let go of the past, forgive yourself and move on. You also need to let go of any emotional baggage.
7.Be truthful to you. When you are truthful to yourself about your feelings and fears, it is easier working towards psychological wellness.
8.Look after your body. Keep your body healthy and energised by eating a balanced diet with proper nutritional values. Remember, having regular exercises is important to stay strong and feeling good with yourself.
9.Have an attitude of gratitude.
10. Rest. Give yourself enough time to rest. Spend time in reflection, meditation and prayer.
Turn a new leaf in the New Year and experience the joy of loving yourself! Live, love and thrive because you deserve it!
The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, |Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke
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