Is he husband material?

Recently, I met some young people who were keen to understand how they can know for sure when a guy is serious about them and whether he is husband material. Interestingly, this is a question that pops up more often.

You may be in a relationship and wondering whether he is serious or simply taking you for a ride. The truth is that many guys I have met are very clear about what they are looking for in a relationship; it could be just for “bed and breakfast”, period! Or, for a relationship intended for marriage.

The question is, which one are you in?  Many young girls prefer to remain blind and in denial about the reality of a relationship headed nowhere; sometimes simply to massage their egos; that someone is attracted to them, even when they are certain that the relationship is headed nowhere!

It is most important that your friends and family approve of the relationship. While this may seem inconsequential, marriage is not a relationship that is only for a couple, but in our cultural set up, it is community based, so it’s important that significant others are involved. 

Many individuals with challenged relationships admit that their parents and friends did not approve of the relationship from the word ‘go’, but they chose to proceed with it and disregard their advice.  If most people who know you well raise concerns, surely apply some wisdom and re-examine the relationship.  It is unreasonable to think that everyone is wrong, judgmental, jealous and unreasonable except yourself. Remember the saying, “Love is Blind”.

He is not overly jealous

A guy that you are dating and is husband material should be secure in the knowledge that others will also find you attractive, and that you too did not suddenly become blind to the attractiveness of others, just because you’re in a relationship. He ought to trust you and feel secure in the relationship. Yes you enjoy his company but you do not need to be with him all the time, this does not mean that you are up to any mischief, nor should it affect the relationship drastically.

Is he keen to listen to you?

Attentive listening is important in any relationship and one should be clear to acknowledge whether or not he listens attentively to you.  This is one way he shows genuine concern for you, by taking a keen interest in what you do at work, home, for leisure and with other significant relationships. If he is attentive, he will become sensitive to you and your environment. He will care about your desires and needs and this will show his level of commitment and sensitivity.

What are his values and beliefs?

Compatible values and beliefs are crucial if the relationship is to succeed; this is crucial and cannot be ignored.  What is his character, is he dependable, loyal, trustworthy, considerate, and compassionate.  Character is who he is when no one is looking; it helps to see how he relates with others. Men of high character bring out the best in you.

Will he attend family events with you?

Family is important and if he accepts to join you for a family function then it is a sign of some commitment to the relationship. If he invites you to his family gathering the question I would pose is, does he introduce you to any of the family members as his girlfriend?

 If not, he is not yet sure and there is no point in pushing it, it may mean that he needs more time. I have met many young girls who think that simply because they attended a family function, it’s nailed. Oh not at all beloved; It is a great way to have you fooled.

Does he involve you in his future plans?

When he talks about the future, do you feature anywhere, does he talk with you about his plans, dreams and aspirations; does he discuss having a family someday?

When you are sensitive to the small things it will become clear whether or not the man you are dating is husband material or not. Share your views, more details on this next week.