My drunk hubby has ruined our marriage

This week’s topic

My husband has been an alcoholic for 12 years. He stopped drinking for two years then went back. He got addicted while schooling in the US. Even though he is good at work, I think they keep him on humanitarian grounds. He gets off work at 3pm, drinks himself silly then walks home hurling insults and obscenities at everyone, including estate children. I have lost all my love and respect for him, and I am tired of all the embarrassment he has caused us. I want to leave but I don’t know how. I am now in love with another man.  Please advise.

 {Susan} 

Your take

Susan, your husband will stop his destructive habit if you involve your pastor and counsellor. However, you are already in another affair; he could be drinking a lot to reduce the stress you are putting him through. Check yourself to see if you are the one pushing him to the wall.

{Pastor Ben Shikuku}

You have been with your husband for a long time. If you have children with him then don’t quit the marriage. Why don’t you try to get help by taking him to a rehabilitation centre. There is hope. You can build the marriage you wanted out of this.

{Ratemo brown}

From what I get, your current boyfriend is the cause of all the problems in your marriage. This may be the reason he went back to drinking. Wachana na mpango ya kando.

{Langat Lebcash}

What if you are the one who drove him to drink? What if the other man also takes to drinking? Do not criticise him without knowing the cause of this. Try and find out why he drinks and the medicine for this may be well within your reach. Leave this other man alone because you may be jumping from the frying pan and into the fire.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo School}

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Your husband needs your love and rehabilitation but you are busy befriending another man. What if the other man is HIV positive? You married him for better or worse and if you left him now, you would only make it worse for him.

{Onyango Outha}

Susan, seek the face of the Lord and He will do wonders in your marriage and change your husband for good. In all marital problems, Christ is always the answer.

{Fred Lastborn}

A real woman solves her problems rather than running away from them. The fact that he is an alcoholic is no justification to go for another man. Talk to him and even engage elders,  counsellors and psychologists and you may free him from this mess.

{Elvis Ogola – SEKU}

Counsellor’s take

Alcoholism is a disease and it needs to be managed as such. Your husband needs professional help because at this stage addressing the factors that led him there will not get the job done. He needs to be helped through the disease first. This takes time and a great deal of patience and finances but it is a responsibility you ought to take up for his sake.

The other issue is about this man you are seeing. What you feel may not necessarily be love. He just provides you with some form of support that your husband is not providing.

 The grass is always greener on the other side but it would do you a lot of good if you focused on helping your husband through this.

 Every effort put into helping someone you love is worth every ounce even if it does not pay off eventually. Remember it could as well be you in that situation. If that were the case, how would you feel if he gave up on you?

{Taurus}

In the next issue:

I am 20 and the last born in our family. I am  dating a lady with whom we are planning to get married. Unfortunately, she has a child with my elder brother who is a police officer but they separated and he married another woman. He does not know about us yet and I am afraid of informing him about this. We are really in love but this has put us under a lot of tension. I need your advice.

{Mike}

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