Last Sunday, Harold Assembly of Holy Associates (HAHA) church remained closed. It was the first Sunday in a long time that was happening. Harold was afraid of an apparent earthquake some politicians had said would hit the country on the day.

The man, who literally preaches wine and drinks the same, is afraid of death and of the judgment day. Any threats to his life are treated seriously. And because we await a response from The Soup Rim court on his Prayer Payment Initiative (PPI), Harold is not willing to die yet. He is certain he will win the case.

So, the faithful were turned away at the church’s gate by yours truly, Harold’ s faithful servant.

“Haven’t you heard,” I shouted to a group of women who were inching towards the church, “that there will be a major earthquake today?”

One asked where the earthquake would start and when I said Bomas, and she wondered what Bomas was, her child asked; “Mum, you do not know Bodmas?”

When I was that child’s age and Harold was not pretending to be a priest, I knew Bomas, from history. For traditional communities used to live in organized homesteads called bomas.

Which was what I told Harold when he asked. We, however, did not have an idea, which boma was potentially the epicenter of the earthquake. Harold preferred to stay home and die there if the worst happened.

The women, who had carried kiondos, which they sometimes fill with avocado and bring Harold as offertory, left in a hurry. Harold would later chastise me for this.

In the end, there was no tremors. I sneaked into the church and sat ready to witness, on TV, the earth’s crust give way, but soon fell asleep when nothing happened.

There were reports from some quarters that the tremor actually came, and when I realized the people saying so were just disillusioned, I decided it would be a good idea to show them what an earthquake was.

Or not. The only two politicians of note in the village are Harold and Sue, and for any sort of earthquake, I feel they would have to unite. But that cannot happen.

Letting the village know that we would have an earthquake announcement, even if we were not going to really have any political tremors of note, was a good campaign strategy.

It was going to draw attention to us, taking Sue’s followers from her, at least temporarily. Our biggest problem, however, is that Harold himself goes to Sue’s for his alcohol and once there behaves like her follower.

Harold had some good advice: The best chance of an earthquake was me announcing I had joined Sue, he said. 

It would bolster Harold’s chances for the top seat with those who see me as a negative influence decamping from Sue, Harold insisted. I could not believe a man I had fought for this long was now betraying me..

“Furthermore,” he said, facing Clarissa and Paul the way someone that is looking for endorsement from other parties would do, “if you joined Sue, people would believe you will help her rig the elections. That is a win for me.”

In Harold’s eyes, I am the deep state. I am the authority behind the scenes that works to coronate, or completely destroy leaders.