Do men dread the V-day?

By Catherine Kamundi

It is said: "Love Doesn’t Ask Why". This Valentine’s Day, these sentiments may carry different meanings to different people. It may be a line of defence for many that will for one reason or another overlook the glitz and emotions that go with the Valentine’s Day.

It may not be uncommon this day to hear a cornered man say: " It is only one day, don’t ask me why I didn’t buy you a present or take you out. You love me so don’t ask why."

Whether we go love crazy on Valentine’s Day or think it is just an overrated money-minting occasion for businesses, one thing is clear; heart issues come to the fore.

The writer set out to find out whether Valentine’s drives men crazy or they appreciate it with open arms.

Lunches or Dinners? Take your pick. photo: posed by models/ Courtesy Nairobi Safari Club Jenipher Wachie

"It is a day for women to drive men crazy. How come many women want all these public display of affection, especially on that day? asks George Kenwa

Clement Tole who met his wife at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day five years ago says: " I think people especially men feel on the edge because they think they are expected to outshine themselves."

"Do you know what drives me crazy, it is those radio and TV talks always around this time of the year asking ‘are Kenyan men romantic?’ that means there are set standards we must meet," says Chris Mbai.

Dorothy Akimba, a mother of one seems to agree.

"It is true, a lot of pressure is put on men to behave in a certain way that day. There are expectations. This makes them dread it," she says.

Christopher Mwangangi who is a student says the hype around college on Valentine’s Day is so much that ‘ you cannot afford to play a poor game’.

Pressure to show love

"There all these parties and entertainment going on. However broke you are you have to join the crowd and take your girl out to one. It becomes some sort of competition," he says.

"Men get overwhelmed because they feel pressured to perform and obligated to be romantic. We like to express our love authentically, not because of a manufactured holiday," says Denis Nzioki.

James Kariuki says: "Men don’t wear their hearts on the sleeves. I don’t like it when I have to walk around town carrying flowers and chocolates I don’t even eat."

There are those who feel women should always stop expecting gifts and learn to also give.

"I had a girlfriend who always made sure she looked for expensive things and made sure she reminded me she would love to get it during Valentine’s Day," says Tony Mwangi.

"We were together for three years and she never got me even a cheap watch."

"Valentine’s Day is a girl’s holiday. Roses, hearts, diamonds... chocolate? Think about it. These are girlie things. You never hear a guy say: ‘I wish my girlfriend would get me some diamonds,’" says Danson Mwamburi.

Different opinion

He goes on to say: "When Valentine’s Day rolls comes I feel like I have to be a mind reader and that I am not going to win. The expectations are so high. There are so many expectations on that day that there is no realistic way to satisfy all my girlfriend’s desires."

He says he feels ‘manipulated’ by expectations.

Owen Kimindu has a different opinion.

"I don’t think men feel pressured to do anything. They put the pressure on themselves. You can show love for show. It has to be from your hear," he says.

Whatever the case, the day can be made better.

"Express your happiness no matter what your man chooses to do for this Valentine’s Day. Your happiness will encourage him to do even more next time," says Maureen Kibue.