Of clumsy Kenyan men and what women want between the sheets

 Typical sexual encounter with a Kenyan man is strange           Photo:Courtesy

I don’t think it is far off the mark to say that Kenyan men are the worst sexual partners in the world. They leave a lot to be desired in the bedroom. Their lack of tact between the sheets stems from one simple thing: The concept of foreplay is all Greek to them. They have it in their head that the only prelude to sex is simply getting unclothed or grabbing or spanking a woman’s bum. After that it is ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’.

This is how a typical sexual encounter with a Kenyan man plays out: You are on the couch watching TV or something. Out of the blues, he attacks you with his tongue, kissing you aggressively, literally jamming his tongue down your throat.

Before you even get a chance to catch your breath, he grabs your hand and plants it on his crotch. That should let you know that he wants to get laid. You are shocked and mildly annoyed, but you love this bugger. And besides, you are feeling a little horny yourself. You play along. Then he whips out his stiff member and shoves your head down and expects you to get to work, if you know what I mean.

You are appalled, but you really really love this idiot. After you are done going downtown on him, he is ready to get down and busy. He jumps on you and after three minutes, he pops off an orgasm, rolls over and goes to sleep, snoring like a tractor. You are left there wondering what the hell just happened.

If you are extremely lucky, and I mean EXTREMELY lucky, he will go down on you for a fast thirty seconds before getting on top of you.

Fake orgasms

Then the same man will go griping on social media, saying how women never seem interested in sex and how they act dead when you are getting it on. How can she be interested in sex with your cluelessness and mediocre performance! How do you expect her to look forward to sex?! Dude, pawing at her and suffocating her with clumsy and rough kisses is not foreplay! Men need to understand that they need a whole lot more than a hard on to satisfy a woman in bed. It is said that the reason women fake orgasms in because men fake foreplay!

If you have been at it for two minutes and she is already moaning and screaming, sorry to disappoint you bro but she is faking it so you can get it over and done with and get off her. Gentlemen, you should never mount a woman before she is sufficiently turned on.

Foreplay begins well before the actual time to do the deed. Experts say that 90 per cent of foreplay should take place outside the bedroom. Start setting the mood early on in the day. Send her romantic text messages to let her know that you are thinking of her. Let her know that you desire her.

Once she gets home, turn the romance up a notch. A romantic atmosphere of scented candles, soft music, bubble bath and a massage is not overrated. It works magic. Once she is calm and relaxed, you can initiate the skin on skin contact foreplay. Kiss her slowly all over her body. No rush. Take time to taste her and feel her. Believe me, when you do this, she will be the one tearing your pants off, eager to get it on.

Ladies, if a man thinks foreplay is not important, then simply don’t have sex with him. Sex is not about his satisfaction alone. If you are not getting anything out of it, why put yourself through it? Tonight, when he comes at you all hot and bothered, set a timer for fifteen minutes of foreplay and tell him that no penetration will happen until that timer goes off.