I have to adjust my lifestyle to suit my teenage son’s ways

Nairobi; Kenya: As I watched my young son turn into a teenager, I was delighted at the prospect that I could now entrust him with more responsibilities and take on a guiding role.

However, little prepared me for the adjustments I would have to make in my own life as the parent.

For a start, I believe in sharing information and often look for avenues to instil values and behaviour through discussions about current issues or general day-to-day activities.

Of late though, these conversations have changed from mere discussions to debates.

My attentive audience of one no longer lends an ear to my anecdotes but instead punctures the conversation with questions best suited to school debates than friendly mother-son discussions.

Much as I try to remain calm, too much questioning often leads to an argument or the end of a worthwhile discussion.

I sometimes wonder if I am put on the spot to test my advice on anger management and restraint.

In addition to working on restraint, I have also to pay attention to non-verbal cues. In grooming, young boys basically require an occasional haircut which, armed with the appropriate machine, I successfully maintained at home for a number of years.

Judging from the opposition and excuses I faced recently, I realised that my teen was no longer comfortable sitting on a small stool having his hair cut — it is just not manly and he would prefer joining other men at the barber shop.

Grooming and dressing go hand in hand and selecting clothing is now a well thought out process. I used to be in charge of buying my son’s clothes with or without his intervention.

Whatever I selected, he wore. That is not the case nowadays as he has to accompany me to shop and he selects what is appropriate.

If I purchase an item that he does not like, it will remain tucked away somewhere in the closet until I forget about it.

As much as I try to give advice, this is sometimes taken with a pinch of salt. I have talked endlessly about the disadvantages of playing games, whether on a mobile phone or on the PlayStation.

Nevertheless, I have noted that when an opportunity presents itself, these games are played for hours on end.

The only way I discover this is through the red, tired eyes that greet me after they have been glued to an eight-inch screen the whole afternoon.

This shows that the more I repeat a point to ensure that it is followed, the more I distance myself from my teenage son.

I cannot over emphasise the importance of eating the right foods at the right time.

Snacks, in my opinion, should comprise healthy options like fruits and nuts, however the thriving school cafeteria that makes sumptuous doughnuts, samosas and sausages has proved to be more convincing than my well-researched lectures on healthy living.

To cap it all, when invited out for lunch by friends or relatives, fried foods, soft drinks and sugary desserts top the list.

Children love pets and indeed, there is a lot one can learn from animals.

I am now a proud owner of a mixed breed dog thanks to my son who took it upon himself to care for a puppy two years ago.

Though I prefer cats, I have had to overcome my fear of dogs to accommodate the new pet.

These are but a few challenges faced at this stage, the real challenge has not come from the physical, emotional and psychological changes in the teen but from the adjustments I have had to make as the parent to respond to all his expectations, I believe I am not done yet.