Crimes against beauty as ban on sexiness sparks fury

While God gave Moses only 10 commandments to make the children of Israel lead a sinless life, the Uganda Government early this month issued 14 commandments of strict dress code guidelines for civil servants to check indecency at work.

Because of the new 14 commandments, it is now criminal for women to appear at work in sleeveless tops, even if it is very hot — and you know how hot Kampala can get, especially after the men cut all the trees and grabbed all the open spaces to construct their buildings.

We have also been banned from wearing tight fitting dresses and skirts. Maybe after our soldiers fighting in Somalia for ten years now, we have finally decided to adopt Sharia law. Put differently, the government has banned sexiness!

We have also been banned from wearing hanging earings. I think someone wants all of us to look like nuns. This is not the Vatican! The most annoying thing is that it is a fellow woman who is doing this to us — she is the public service permanent secretary Catherine Bitarakwate Musingwiire.

This sister says that it has been observed (presumably by her good self) “that public officers have continued to dress in a manner that does not portray a good image of the service and does not fall within the general acceptable standards of the community”.

Now, I wish the jealous sister would tell the public if we public servants are paid salaries which empower us to be so choosy in how we don’t dress. She has gone ahead to outlaw “tinted or brightly coloured hair and braids” meaning we must all appear as dull as possible as if we are attending a funeral.

She has even banned flat shoes! And, hear this, she has also banned “blouses that expose cleavage”. In addition, she has banned “dresses and skirts above the knees”. Now this is not even creative! Our dead dictator Idi Amin already did that. The only difference is that Amin was more scientific and technically explicit — he defined an unacceptably short dress as one stopping three inches above the knee. That is the good thing about soldiers — they are precise.

The permanent secretary is not yet done. She has banned “long nails” and in an attempt to be precise puts this at three centimeters. Have you ever seen a person with nails that long? She has also banned bright nail polish.

Then she goes ahead and bans “too much make-up”. Now who wants too much make-up? Certainly not the wearer. So next time you are in a repentant mood and want to see some horrible looking women, jump on a bus to Kampala. Then as a token of being fair in harassment, she also declares something vague for the men, banning tight fitting trousers. I wonder what those are! Anyway, I have heard many colleagues laughing at the 14 commandments, scoffing at them as draconian.