Best way to tame, keep in check mannerless colleagues

Following scandalous behaviour that has been witnessed in various end of year office parties in the last few days and weeks, a number of employers are planning to institute measures that will help bring sanity to Christmas parties.

Inspired by what some police departments in the United States use to ensure their officers stay in line, some employers will starting next year require employees attending office Christmas parties to don body cameras to make sure that any bad behaviour is on record.

To sell the idea to their respective boards here are the reasons these party pooper organisations are giving to ensure the finance department allocates money for buying body cameras:

1. Body cameras will provide evidence on who has a drinking problem. With alcohol freely available at office Christmas parties it becomes an opportune time to determine who among the employees is a slave to the demon drink.

Cause embarrassment

With this information it will be easy to blacklist the employees who will need to be kept away from company parties again especially sensitive ones lest they cause embarrassment.

It will also help determine those employees who are most likely to abandon their work to partake of free alcohol in the event a beer tanker overturns near the office.

2. Body cameras will provide documentary evidence of who stole food and drinks from the office party to take home. With such hard evidence available, it will be easy to deduce who has been stealing the office sugar and tea bags.

3. Body cameras will help determine the women in the organisation who have socialite potential. In the past few days and weeks a number of female employees have under the influence of alcohol exhibited their dancing skills by jumping on tables and proceeding to twerk and even offering to provide lap dances to senior management.

The body cameras are therefore expected to provide the necessary documentary evidence on who has socialite potential and who might be leaving the company soon for ‘bigger’ things in life. HR department will thus have ‘ample’ time to start looking for a replacement.

4. Body cameras will provide evidence on who to fire on account of their behaviour at the office party. With documentary evidence clearly showing who, with the aid of a drink, gathered the courage to throw a few choice insults at the boss.

Drastic measures

Or who was hitting on the boss’ wife and whispering to her jokes so dirty that even flesh peddlers would not appreciate, the body cameras will ensure that the guilty shall spend the festive season not celebrating but writing job application letters.

5. Footage from body cameras will help the management to ascertain whether at the end of the office Christmas party the select clients who had been invited to the party left either thoroughly entertained, traumatised or with the business.

Thus, they will be used to assess whether how the employees behaved will cost them the clients who had been invited to the party. It will also help in mapping out a crisis management strategy should there be need for one.

With such drastic measures being taken by some employers, sadly this year’s office christmas parties were probably the last time most employees will ever let loose at a company event again. They will have to look for alternative functions to engage in scandalous behaviour and one hopes that they will not pick children’s birthday parties.