Hold on, Ebola is coming our way

It would be a travesty of justice for the devil, or whoever is responsible for visiting calamity among mankind, to unleash Ebola on the people of the democratic and sovereign republic of Kenya.

Malaria has been working on us for years yet even toddlers know that all it takes to prevent this nasty disease is to sleep in a mosquito net.

NGOs magnanimously even provide free nets, which we in our wisdom, use to fence our vegetable gardens. Alternatively, we could kill mosquitoes. But because we are Africans, sophisticated methods like spraying them with pesticides defeat us.

So we zombie around our bedrooms at night, gnashing our teeth and squashing the little blighters on the walls using our fists and other crude weapons.

And then rumours emerge that Ebola could be coming our away, as if we aren’t having enough problems dealing with bandits who casually stroll in and out of Lamu, slaughter people like chicken and sneak back to wherever they came from.

Optimists might say West Africa is too far away and that we have in any case posted doctors at all entry points. Very funny.

When you consider that we have in the past discovered a Nigerian we thought we had repatriated strolling along the streets of Nairobi, when you recall how porous our borders are, you begin to cough with fear.

Fortunately, no one is overly bothered about Ebola. Politicians are doing their usual thing, bloggers are doing their thing, murderers, thieves and conmen have seen no reason to lay down arms and even our prophets have neither smelled the virus nor bothered to call a massive prayer and miracle rally at Uhuru Park.

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There is no doubt that Mombasa County Commissioner Nelson Marwa is a tough guy who knows how to issue a threat. He sounds like a tough commander, a guy who can make hard decisions without looking over his shoulder.

But someone please tell him to stop saying “We gonna fight”. Senior government officials don’t walk around saying “we gonna fight”! What is this gonna thing?