Guys, your woman might have bagged you

[Photo:File]

A man may spend a lot of time plotting on how they to make a certain attractive girl in the neighbourhood or in the office next door notice him.

Hopefully, when he is noticed one thing leads to another, and soon they are munching tonnes of ice cream together in upmarket coffee shops.

That is not where the story ends; it ends when the man lays the girl. After he has done that he has conquered and achieved a new badge of honour. Unlike before, the man will now have a fresh dossier about the girl to unfurl as the boys take a swig at the local, perched atop high bar stools.

Men will take a great detail in describing the moans, and the sighs. But according to a girl named Becky, this need not get the boys too excited. Why? You may ask. Becky says so what if you slept with me? Does that leave a scar on my face that must be witnessed by all and sundry?

“By the way who tells you that you nailed me? What stops me from nailing you, and plan it as if you were the greatest conqueror after Joan of Arc?”

“Well, men are the hunters world over,” I managed to stammer, suddenly realising that having coffee instead of the usual glass of whisky was after all a bad idea for such a discussion.

“Let me tell you Tony, and listen real good,” she started with such bravado that I had the same feeling as the Brazilian national football team when they resumed the pitch for the second half against Germany after a 5-0 thrashing in the opening half.

movement patterns

“The fact that you may pay the bills or offer to open the car door does not mean you have had me ‘in a box’ like a box of chocolate. Often, most affairs are planned by the woman and meticulously planned months in advance, before the first day.

“What do you mean?” I grumbled, struggling to keep my voice down. “Tony, huh, the day you notice me in the bank queue, or in a coffee shop or often in a supermarket, may not be the first time we are ‘meeting’,” she declared.

“What men call love at first sight is not necessarily the case with women. This is because, often, women will have seen their prey, mastered the movement patterns, and only get discovered when they are ready to be noticed,” she said.

“That would have to be the most hapless attempt at self-gratification,” I attempted to defend my species. But she interjected: “Don’t you know that in the world some of the most resourceful spies are women? Not as sex symbols, but just because they tend to be quite observant and at the same time they can mount a number of camouflages with hairstyles and head scarves?”

successful defence

Even before I could plan and mount a successful defence, she continued: “Tony, do you remember the dress I was wearing when I was first introduced to you by your missus? Can you even remember where we first met?”

Indeed I cannot remember, but from experience I have heard things that went down many years ago, some in drunken stupor, unearthed and used against me.