Dozens of dogs die after consuming flesh and blood of long-suffering Kenyans

A security firm is regretting a decision to import guard dogs after the canines bit locals, only for them to die after coming into contact with the flesh and blood of Kenyans. Speaking to the media after conducting a post-mortem on the dogs, an animal pathologist speculated that the hard times that Kenyans have been going through could have made their flesh and blood toxic, and thus poisonous to animals.

“The stress, the drought, the water shortages, strikes, pollution, political heat, poor leadership, corruption, illicit brews, bedbug bites, election woes, feeding on maize contaminated with aflatoxin, contaminated water, eating vegetables grown in sewage water and matter, too much lead in the little water that is available to drink... may all have served to turn the flesh and blood of Kenyans into something highly toxic... I’m in fact sending a sample abroad to check for radioactive substances!” said the animal pathologist.

While the dogs died instantly, the Kenyans only got slight bite marks and did not even need to take painkillers! “I actually though it was a tsetse fly or a safari ant that bit me...” said one of the men who was attacked by the dogs.

The security firm is now said to be considering suing relatives of the people who were bitten for allowing their family members to roam freely knowing that their flesh and blood is hazardous to animals! Additionally, other security firms are now demanding that their Kenyan dog trainers cover every part of their body with bite-proof clothing to ensure that when a dog goes rogue and bites them, the dog does not get into contact with Kenyan flesh.

The Society for the Protection and Care of Animals, on the other hand, is also calling on all dog owners to ensure they keep the Kenyans in their vicinity locked up to prevent dogs from biting them and dying. “Avoid letting Kenyans out of their homes or the dogs might bite them and that will be the last meal they will ever have,” said a KSPCA spokesperson.

Better quality flesh

The society is also calling on all the county governments in the country to draft by-laws that prohibit human beings from venturing into areas populated by dogs since it has now emerged that the flesh and blood of long-suffering Kenyans is a danger to animals.

Following the developments, local cannibals are said to have gone into panic. Some are even said to be considering moving to neighbouring countries. This also explains why there has been no reports of cannibalism of late in local media. Harvesters of human organs operating in Kenya have also been counting losses since the market value of locally obtained organs has gone down since the poisoning went public.

And having seen the threat the matter poses to their private-part selling side hustle, mortuary workers have given the government a week to sort out the matter or they will down their tools. This is because their once-lucrative trade of organ-trafficking is being destroyed by the negative publicity being generated by the poor and questionable quality of the flesh and blood of Kenyans.

They now want the government to put in place policies that lead to better quality of flesh and blood of all human life in Kenya. It is also understood that recipients of blood transfusions locally are beginning to get choosy with some of them preferring the blood of foreigners to that of locals. Some blood banks are even said to be refusing the blood of resident Kenyans due to its high level of toxicity.