Why too little empathy for victims of sexual violence?

However tempting it is to discuss the “list of shame” and the President’s earth shattering State of the Union address, I choose instead to focus on this week’s allegations of rape against an MP. The allegations marked yet a new low for our esteemed Honourables coming in the same week as allegations of verbal abuse on an MP after she scorned the advances of a male colleague. Since the rape matter is still under investigations and being a believer in the constitutional principle of presumption of innocence, I will not deem the MP guilty.

I wish to, however, speak firstly as a citizen, and secondly as a father of two lovely daughters and the grandfather of the most beautiful girl in the whole world, on the disgusting and widespread narrative, which has sought to transform the rape victim into the villain. The anti-victim attack is prosecuted from two distinct but related approaches. On the one hand are those who dismiss the allegations outright. To them, the rape story must have been made up for extortion purposes. I haven’t understood what informs this perspective, unless of course the assumption is that an MP is so honourable, he would not need to rape anyone. We know different.

The second and more worrying narrative justifies the rapist and makes the victim responsible and deserving of what she got. The questions around this narrative include; what was a woman doing meeting a man in his office in the night, why have a drink with him, why did she not call her husband early enough, and such nonsensical queries.

In the history of crimes against women, blaming the victim has been a standard menu. Have you ever noted that in cases of domestic abuse our instinctive question is to ask what the woman did to bring about the thrashing? If there is rape or other sexual abuse, the default is to question the woman’s role. What was she wearing? Did she lead him on?

It is amazing that in a robbery situation, no one ever asks why the victims did not buy stronger locks, or why they kept their electronics in full view thereby tempting thieves! In those cases we somehow appreciate that no circumstances justify an attack on our property. Why is it that violence against women is somehow justifiable based on their conduct?

For us to see how ridiculous our narratives are, let us examine the MP alleged rape case. Firstly there is no doubt that the MP was in a position of power over the victim. This counts for a lot since rape is essentially about power relations. Secondly even the MP agreed that he was in the company of the victim that evening. Thirdly, there is no doubt that she ran out of his offices with clothes torn and bleeding, even the taxi driver confirms it. Fourthly, it is in evidence that she went to hospital with symptoms consistent with rape. Fifthly the MP's story has mutated from when the matter broke out. Wouldn’t these facts automatically give the victim the benefit of the doubt? Sixthly and most important, from my own discussions with women, rape is the ultimate degrader of all things female. It is a violation of the grossest kind on a woman. It is shameful, debasing and traumatising for a woman. It is not a badge of honour that a woman would like to go carrying around.

Indeed it is the reason why statistically 70 per cent of women who undergo rape do not report. Convictions also fail because many women wash and remove evidence of the rape soon thereafter to forget the ordeal. In many cultures a woman who is raped is deemed damaged. Why, in those circumstances would an otherwise sober, regular woman allege rape where none has occurred? Shouldn’t we give a victim the benefit of the doubt if for no other reason to assist her in dealing with the trauma?

Surely this villanisation of victims must end! How I pray that the brave ones who have dared come out despite this instinctive affront on the dignity of women would build in us a new sensitivity that recognises that there can never be a justification for violence, especially against the vulnerable among us.