Suing women for 'false advertising' that trick men into marriages

A man’s relationship with a woman is never straightforward. This is why tonnes of relationship books have been churned out and the writers have been pocketing large amounts of money while  lovers remain a desolate lot.

Last week I came across the rant below on someone’s Facebook timeline. “I want whoever lied to Kenyan ladies that a relationship should only take them to the altar and to the bank, and that if it takes them to the kitchen and to bed, then they should say no to slavery to come and say it here!

“As far as I am concerned, if you can’t cook and you are pathetic in bed, I have no business ‘wifing’ you. I also refuse to pay for substandard ‘services’, Nkt!”.

Surely do all relationships have to lead to marriage? This rant reminded me of another passionate debate we had some time back during a pal’s evening bash as we washed down the dust and the sun we had endured as he got married to his long-time sweetheart.

Women are unreasonably putting too much premium on their looks and ‘game’ and expect this to be an instant ticket to the Disneyland of marriage.

As we debated that evening, of course under a healthy helping of whiskey, one thing was clear. Women want to clutch to Christian teachings just when it suits them. They often proclaim that sex is for procreation, as the Good Scriptures say.

Got married

But as Frao often states, in Biblical times, hypocrisy was not as sophisticated as it has become in modern times. “Cheating and hypocrisy in modern relationships is a sub-sector in dating,” Frao always maintains, and therefore the men of those days would not wake up and get the surprises that modern men have to face.

He cites a case where a poor and God-fearing friend of ours was dragged all the way to the altar and got married to a woman he barely knew. Ok, they had dated for a couple of months, but since they were both in the choir, their relationship would not go beyond a certain point without crossing the red line.

So what do the young people do? They arranged and got married. People came for the wedding, ate to their fill, made merry and went home. The couple was now left to start their new life. The lady requested the young man to use condoms for a while, so that she does not conceive too soon.

Born again

Her reason was that since they had just got married, and as born-again people had not had ample time to enjoy each other’s fire in the loins, it was better to postpone their child-bearing period to a later date.

The man figured it made perfect sense, although having come from Bungoma; he could have preferred Omundu khu mundu (losely translated to gland to gland).

After three years of ‘punching canvas’, our pal figured time was ripe to land the real jab. He informed the lady that he was now ready to be a father and the latex was now tossed out of the equation.

Bad choices

Unbeknown to him, the woman in her earlier life before she turned to Jesus had made a couple of bad choices in life. As fate would have it, she had procured abortions several times and in the process had ‘botched’ her womb so bad that doctors had told her that she would never get a child.

Just imagine all this time as she dragged the Mluyia up and down the aisle, she knew very well that she would never manage to bear him a child. Our friend was so pissed off and even threatened to sue her for being ‘substandard’ and for ‘false advertising’.