Thou shall not procreate in Kampala’s lodgings

By Grace Nakato

The police force in Kampala will be taking a back seat as Kampala Capital City Authority (KCCA) goes through lodges looking for couples paying for sex. KCCA claims government is tired of prostitutes who rob their clients and run away.

There must be more to this story because getting robbed by a stranger is not unusual, and has happened since time immemorial.

If you are careless with your property, someone will relieve you of the burden of taking care of it. Ask anyone who has taken a chips-funga home from the pub and woken up to find she cleared out with all the electronics.

Streaking

The recent clip on prime time on the gossip TV stations had me chuckling although it really should have come with a PG rating — a butt naked couple found themselves streaking down the street with KCCA officials hot on their heels.

Apparently, KCCA officials are now going around lodging houses checking for identification.

I wonder if they know that prostitution is also an equal opportunity employer and are, therefore, checking the men’s credentials too. Or are they looking for a particular person in the guise of upholding the law?

It is important for those who engage in sex for cash to be careful when picking clients. One of these twilight girls must have pulled a fast one on a KCCA official and the rest of us are now paying the price for her idiocy.

Or perhaps it is a way of catching up with the number of businesses operating without certification. As you know, the national ID project is a non-starter and most of us rely on job IDs for identification.

Wager

The executive director of KCCA, Jenniffer Musisi, is a wily one, and I wager that the officials are noting down business names and contacts for follow up to ensure that their business licenses are paid up.

The skeptic in me also thinks that this is also another way of building up representation in the upcoming All Africa Games. This is a great opportunity for aspiring participants in steeplechase to visit lodges or join the KCCA enforcement team.

Travel advisory

Considering the number of lodges that offer “short time resting”, they will get lots of practice and bring home plenty of gold.

On the plus side, I foresee 24-hour kiosks offering ID printing services mushrooming around clubs and lodges to cater for this unique crop of clientele seeking to be incognito.

Knowing Ugandans, free condoms will be thrown in as part of the service. Lastly, the tourism board needs to issue a travel advisory for visitors to the city. Some proffered tips would include:

a) Get a map showing Nasser Road for purchase of a fake ID for incognito dalliances.

b) Adrenalin seekers should select a ground floor room with huge windows for a quick getaway when there is a loud knock on the door.

And last, non-athletes are advised to buy playing cards pile up all the furniture against the door to avoid being caught in flagrante delicto, since a game of poker is a plausible alibi.