Dear wives, not every single woman wants your husband

Many wives are insecure.

They are insecure when they see their husbands talking with a single woman, working with a single woman, serving the community with a single woman or even being Facebook friends with a single woman.

Many wives get uncomfortable when the husband shows his teeth while talking with a single woman... "Why is he smiling with that single woman?". ; not because they want to enjoy their time with the husband, but so that they shut down the single women who they see as a threat. See how insecurities can corrupt your motives?

In fact, many single women have voiced out their frustration to me talking of how some wives size them with their eyes, bully them at the work place, look at them in a condescending way, ostracize them sometimes even in church, and threaten them... and the single ladies wonder "What are these wives seeing? I don't want your husbands"

The single ladies who especially get it rough are single mothers. Most of the time when they are seen talking to another woman's husband, they are misjudged that they are trying to seduce the huband because society has stereotyped single mothers as sexually loose, financially struggling and desperate women who are looking for rich husbands of other women.

Dear wives, you need to know eight things.

One, not every single woman is loose and weak in morals. The same way there are principled wives, there are also principled single women.

Two, your husband will always be surrounded by all kinds of women in life, in church and at the work place; women who are single, divorced, dating and married just like you will always be surrounded by all kinds of men. The most important thing is boundaries. Relax and trust the man you allowed to marry you.

Three, not every woman is out to destroy your marriage. Stop being paranoid. Be grateful when you have a husband who respects other women and is a good friend to many and a great husband to you.

Four, you and your husband should be adult enough to have a social life and work together with members of the opposite gender. If you choke each other's work life and social life, you begin to fight each other and lose trust.

Fifth, believe it or not, not every man is a cheat. There are men who touch the lives of women, work with women and do business with women while staying faithful to the wife.

Sixth, your insecurities can destroy trust in your marriage. If you feel uncomfortable about a specific woman, don't attack her; gently tell your husband about your concern or tell him how to adjust the boundaries. When you attack your husband or the woman who perhaps is just an innocent person, you magnify and complicate issues and push your husband away. It hurts the man when the wife doesn't trust him and she has made up her mind he is cheating yet it's something that can be talked about calmly and adjusted.

Seven, when you graduate your marriage from petty fights based on insecurities, your marriage will be so fulfilled. Elevate the conversations in your marriage. Only then will you as a couple become a blessing to the people around you.

Eight, be secure on your throne as a Queen. When you forget why your husband chose you and the journey you two have walked, when you forget how great a person you are, when you forget how valuable you are and you become self conscious, self beating, and judging yourself harshly because you don't have a certain body, you don't have certain achievements, you're not as learned, you are not as liked by people then you will project your insecurities on other women on TV, social media and in real life and hate them, despise them, criticize them, look for something to gossip about them or insult them. Be secure in yourself. Operate from a position of strength. Love yourself. Your husband loves you.

In my new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I address esteem issues many women are facing and I show women how to get the most out of life whether single, dating or married. No more drama in your life.

In my other new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I remind men that it is honourable to respect every woman and it is the man's role to make his woman feel special, even as he blesses and contributes to society.

© Dayan Masinde

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.