Men, it’s your fault she's fat

I was walking across the streets of Nairobi under the scotching sun. I tread past Moi Avenue Primary and notice people lying down on Kidero grass on the other side of the road (Jeevanjee gardens) and I opt to cross the road and shelter my head from the merciless solar.I find my way to the garden and see fairly scattered groups of people (like those we formed in school to discuss chemistry). My nosy nature won't let me be at peace...curiosity literary killed me. 

I remember one day I overheard that a catholic nun in my home area had been car jacked only for her to see me and claim that I looked like one of those thieves. I never learn (never mind what happened to me).I drag my feet to one of the many groups and find out it’s not intriguing as they are discussing about politics and the fact that they were trying to imitate the national assembly makes it boring. They even have a "speaker" who keeps interjecting order (bunge la mwananchi). Things joblessness can make you do.

I hop to another group and find them tackling a more unique and captivating issue, ladies’ weight. I am initially amused by the fact that neat smartly dressed jobless men have a lot to talk about women from how they dress to how they walk. I move closer and realise that this particular group is on a mission to bring down ‘32GB’ women.

They describe them using the harshest words I’ve ever heard. From ‘tyres’ to being untoned. They unanimously disrespected plus size women. They ridiculed my mother, my sisters and my girlfriends.

My bile starts to boil and my feelings begin to trigger my ulcers. I become restless and my heart begins to throb. Out of nowhere, I find my buccal cavity moving not knowing what I am saying but it later lingers that I am telling them this, "Men it’s your fault ladies are fat. Can you give me time to make my case heard?”

One elegantly dressed young man looks at me and points at me with his lips calling me a Women Rep but that didn’t deter me from making my point amid hysterical laughter from my fellow men. I quickly don my communication skills hat and summarize my points as to why its men's fault that women are fat.

First, men are generally mean or broke to pay for their ladies gym. Secondly, a good number of men take their ladies out to either eat fries or drink alcohol which are some of the major known causes of obesity and weight gain.

Thirdly, men are contradictory in that they admire and adore women with big behinds but talk negatively about their fat wives.

Fourthly, men are jealous of their ladies working out under trainers for obvious reasons.

Fifthly, most men do not support their ladies’ journey towards weight loss after delivery because they fear that she might look good and that would make them appeasing to potential suitors.

Last but not least, traditional beliefs that men hold propagate that African ladies ought to be big. I concluded my submission to my delegation of young African men only to realize that the truth was such a bitter pill for them to swallow.

Half of them already left to go buy their ladies fries (my assumption) but the remaining applauded me and even offered to elect me as Women Rep in 2017. At least I depart having placed men in their rightful place. It’s already 6:30 and a few rain drops start to fall. I then go home a happy man.